Finding Air

I can't do 2 things at once;
the balance is inadequate,
and I fall,
at night
and sleep laughs.

there was, as everyone so
cutely remembers, a perfect
house, and laughs, and family-
but that
hole is too deep,
and I copied from a book
and lied.

there are no excuses
as I am fully adult, fully able
to pay a mortgage and to
have one-night loves;
but it doesn't heal the loss,
of old
and the fresh dumps and cries.

it's a swirling mass with its own
planetary system
but I
find air,
sometimes.