I Do Not Domesticate

You pen such pure freedom while coming from this amazingly open place from which you proudly exist.... it's intoxicating to read for me!

The title says it all, imo... some people are so emotionally feral that it may be too foreign to fully comprehend the mental space you sincerely occupy, much less match or be compatible.... I theorize.

I know, I aspire to find a way to an acceptance and belief when someone says what they genuinely mean.... working on one's proclivity at self sabotage can be slow going!

Thanks for sharing that there is possible hope on the horizon.

Happy 4th, RT
🌹 - 💙

The irony is that I am arriving here myself after years of feeling less than. Why did I have empathy? Why did I care that my partner feel free to express and ask for what she needed? Why not play the bar scene and get notches on my belt? Why wasn't I comfortable with the standard model of pursuit and abandon, conquer and crush?

Watching my sister die in front of me. Watching dad beat the snot out of my mother with a vacuum cleaner. Being chased around the house by my gun wielding father. Watching my close friends seduced and reduced to tears and self-doubt.

Talking to hundreds of students who had merely survived their abuses with little real sense of future.

I saw guys spin girls out and leave them destroyed for the pure sport of it. I was that friendzone person who got to hear the stories. After everything.

I feel like I've been detoxifying myself my whole life.

So, it wasn't a rational route. Attrition. Heart crushed. Overlooked because I wasn't a 3 piece suit with a credit card.

In retrospect, backing out of a dark cul de sac of manipulation....I'm no angel.  I'm merely a person who found himself by a process of elimination. I'm not a lot of things, and boundaries did not come naturally. They fell painfully as the losses stacked up until I got to creativity and mutual consent.  My trust is buried deep. And my sense of tolerance has gone through many layers of reconstruction.

I talk about kissing a lot because kissing is impossible to fake.  And fake kissing is impossible to tolerate.

Ah yes... honesty and openness solves so many little issues in personal relationships. Give me clarity, fuck the guesswork. The unknowing does my head in. Finely penned point of view.

Thank you... clarity does mean seeing clearly.

Indeed, though I think some of the people in my life get a little tired of being sprayed with window cleaner.

Lol....as long as you see more clearly....others are beyond our pay grade.