Coward

 
I know not what to do,
But my heart is in pain,
I know not if what I do is right or wrong,
I just know that I do it because I am a coward.

We have been friends forever,
Yet when I no longer can hold back the tears,
I run away instead,
I hide my sorrows, I bury my pain.

When I see you, speak to you, or hear of you,
Pins and needles poke my heart,
My stomach sinks and javelins,
Penetrate my bowls.

My internals are in pain,
As though gravely sick,
My heart is in pain,
As though it were to stop any second.

I know not what to do,
For I wish not to give up hope,
But your eyes are on another,
Your heart is for another.

You lie to me saying, “this is not so”,
You lie to protect me from myself,
Yet you cannot lie to me,
For your own actions betray your words.

You wished for me not to leave, not to disappear,
As though you knew exactly what I would do,
Before the thought had even crossed my mind,
Seems we know each other a little too well.

I am to leave, I am to depart,
For a long while,
Some say I will lose my chance with you,
Some say you will find another in my absence,

But you already have,
And my presence only hinders your growth towards them,
And so I choose the cowardly position,
And I choose to leave you to be.

I will find something to preoccupy my mind,
For still it yearns for you day and night,
I will find another obsession to fester in my mind,
For still it refuses to sleep, scheming all night.

I cannot stop thinking of you,
I cannot stop wishing you to be mine,
To grow intimately,
To become one someday.

But this will not be so,
For you love another,
You have chosen another,
And so I must leave.

I will leave for a time,
Hopefully, it will heal,
Hopefully, I will forget my great love for you,
Hopefully, I can move on and accept your decision.

Else sorrow and despair fall upon me if I am to remain.