DIRSEQUENCE

DIRSEQUENCE
following directions plus finding out
there are unseen consequences when you do


You’ve been uninvited
To the future of your own lonesanity
(that’s loneliness plus insanity)
You keep telling me
You’ll forgive and take me back
Take me back?
Do you not feel, sense the

Intensilent air from me?
(that’s intense plus silent)
Do you not recall?
The things you said
The things you did

When you tried to devaluate
(that’s devastation plus retaliate)
Every piece of me
Because you were broken
You tried to break me
Subtly
Passive-aggressively

You then turned to predestruct mode
(that’s preempt plus destruct)
And you drove away everyone
That was close to you.
And you say again
You’ll forgive me and take me back
I hear you say you are sorry
But what are you sorry for?

Do you have some inapolotence
(that’s apology plus incompetence)
The inability to admit wrongdoing
Do you even know what you are sorry for?
While I separate and redistrict my love
Giving to others parcels and pieces
Each one full of

Evolvepiphany
(that’s evolve plus epiphany)
Pieces that have realized that everything
Takes huge effort to grow
But now I can move about with greater ease

Maybe you are now apolotile
(that’s apologetic plus volatile)
Embarrassed after overreactions
Pulling out old emotional contraptions
Attempting to trap me within
Your strange satisfaction
You’ll take me back?
Shouldn’t it be you asking me
To take you back?
You asking me
To forgive you?

You need to be remistaken
(that’s remiss plus mistaken)
Ashamed to realize that every action
You defended
Should have been realized
That they were all connected
And maybe my actions were just
A direct correlation
Of a love littered with rust
So
Take me back?
The wording is all wrong
You’re saying it as if, you did nothing wrong
As if you were right all along

As if the strull we were in
(that’s stressful plus lull)
That escalating tension that would soon end
With a massive eruption
-    And it did     -
Was all my fault.
I needed space to figure you out
You wanted to box me in, not let me out
You told me to see other people
Make out, take pictures
I pushed against it hard
But you would not relent
And so I did it

And it was untaganizing
(that’s uncomfortable plus antagonizing)
And I agonized over it until I let it
Win me over.
But I wouldn’t be someone you chose
I wanted to make my own choices
I picked someone you didn’t know
And that’s when you got angry

Flyraging all over the place
(that’s flying off the handle plus rage)
You accused me of so many things
Claiming your own perfect innocence
When you were nothing but
You begged me to do things I didn’t want to do
And offered me depression if I didn’t
Like a watery noodle soup
Depression soup
We’ll call it Depresoup

You got them all to believe
That it was not you but me
So their hate could breed
Into every corner where we lived
And eventually seep
Up and around the room where you weep

I was merely doing what I was told
A product of dirsequence
(That’s following directions plus finding out
there are unseen consequences when you do)
…take me back…
Foreign on my tongue
When all I did was everything you said