PTSD

I knew it wouldn't be easy
to relearn how to live
in this space that holds
more than enough bad memories

First day back
in the lounge room
I had flashbacks
to the night psychosis
took a hold of your brain
and convinced you
I was a monster in a mask
like the grim reaper
waiting on the edge
for you to falter and fall

I stayed up for two hours
after you passed out
to make sure you didn't
choke on your own vomit
you were so wasted

Today I almost
had a panic attack
in the shower
remembering the time
I broke with sobs
under the water
and you jumped in fully clothed
to comfort me
only to drunkenly yell at
when I got out

And I know you're not the same person
with sobriety at your side
and that choosing to be back here
means I have to ride out
the demons of the past

I just wish it wasn't this hard

© Indie Adams 2022