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deepundergroundpoetry.com
The only thing I liked about you was the sight of your tongue on my hypothalamus
I'm working my shit
with both hands and
a blowtorch,
trying to get off
past that block...
trying to get off
that...
trying to
get
off
And I'm stuck.
Right there.
Right where you used
to lay your lying mouth
and suck my
insecurity until
I screamed
I feel like I could
shove my whole hand
in the slick folds of
my mind,
slap that little
nib on my
amygdala,
and still lay here
just lay here,
mildly aroused,
unusually bored,
and praying it won't
burn when I piss
And the damndest thing
of it all is:
I made you.
I made you lie.
Made you love.
Made you stick your tongue in my
ass and tell me
how sexy it was when
I moaned your name.
And I made your replacement.
And hers.
And his,
And theirs,
And mine,
until all the tongues
and all the lies
now taste
like you.
But you were only
water,
tasting of
nothing
at all.
with both hands and
a blowtorch,
trying to get off
past that block...
trying to get off
that...
trying to
get
off
And I'm stuck.
Right there.
Right where you used
to lay your lying mouth
and suck my
insecurity until
I screamed
I feel like I could
shove my whole hand
in the slick folds of
my mind,
slap that little
nib on my
amygdala,
and still lay here
just lay here,
mildly aroused,
unusually bored,
and praying it won't
burn when I piss
And the damndest thing
of it all is:
I made you.
I made you lie.
Made you love.
Made you stick your tongue in my
ass and tell me
how sexy it was when
I moaned your name.
And I made your replacement.
And hers.
And his,
And theirs,
And mine,
until all the tongues
and all the lies
now taste
like you.
But you were only
water,
tasting of
nothing
at all.
Published 29th May 2022
| Edited 30th May 2022
Author's Note
Why isn't 'fuck off' or 'fuck it all' or 'balls' a theme?
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 2
comments 8
reads 249
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
29th May 2022 8:53pm
I laughed way too hard at your authors note… sometimes feel a bit clinical and polite and only a fuck off will do 😂
I love how the title suggests that sexuality isn’t just the body — it’s also the mind. It’s a fact so overlooked in the slapping of meat.
That ending of water not tasting of nothing at all is such an awesome finisher on an emotional level. It adds this blank state which fits into the emptiness tag on this poem.
Thank you for this no nonsense approach, it’s so needed at the moment.
-M
I love how the title suggests that sexuality isn’t just the body — it’s also the mind. It’s a fact so overlooked in the slapping of meat.
That ending of water not tasting of nothing at all is such an awesome finisher on an emotional level. It adds this blank state which fits into the emptiness tag on this poem.
Thank you for this no nonsense approach, it’s so needed at the moment.
-M
29th May 2022 11:39pm
MISSY. Preach, girl! These tags. They're so filled with emotions, and I'M SO BAD AT THAT.
The brain IS the biggest sex organ. (Oh shit, now I'm going to run about imagining these fuckers with giant cocks and balls on their heads. Or massive vulva) Whatever. Substitute something genuine here while I giggle about vagina heads.
Thank you my friend, I mean it.
The brain IS the biggest sex organ. (Oh shit, now I'm going to run about imagining these fuckers with giant cocks and balls on their heads. Or massive vulva) Whatever. Substitute something genuine here while I giggle about vagina heads.
Thank you my friend, I mean it.
29th May 2022 10:51pm
Prototypes get burned into memory, even beyond their actual significance....
And their echoes get way too much play.
It's visceral.
And their echoes get way too much play.
It's visceral.
29th May 2022 11:39pm
“Why isn't 'fuck off' or 'fuck it all' or 'balls' a theme?“
Because it would be maliciously mis-used!
Should start a #balls theme, pretty sure it would go off.
Onto the meat and potatoes…. No pun intended
——————————————-
“Your hypothalamus, a structure deep in your brain, acts as your body's smart control coordinating center. Its main function is to keep your body in a stable state called homeostasis. It does its job by directly influencing your autonomic nervous system or by managing hormones.“
The title of the piece reveals its utility about midway through the piece which I like in a poem, but there again I’m easy.
The undercurrent of sexual frustration and duress is played with deftly through the first stanza with emphasis on the line breaks to put you in a state of synthesising two ideas at the same time,
Sexual frustration
and
the mental inability to put someone out of your head and move on…..
And the fact they’re intruding at a time like that…..yeah your authors note is now making more sense too 😂
“I feel like I could
shove my whole hand
in the slick folds of
my mind,
slap that little
nib on my
amygdala,
and still lay here
just lay here,
mildly aroused,
unusually bored,
and praying it won't
burn when I piss”
Continuing the duality of meaning within the write
Shove my hand in
Slick folds
Slap that nib
Couched sexual innuendo
overlaying the
Just lay here
Frustrated
Bored
Amygdala-Shown to perform a primary role in the processing of memory, decision making, and emotional responses (including fear, anxiety, and aggression), the amygdalae are considered part of the limbic system
Yep right there baby….
Praying it won’t
burn when I piss…..
poetry in the humanity of the piece!
No flowery bullshit.
—————————————
And the damndest thing
of it all is:
I made you.
Self realisation followed by introspection,
as if the inability to get off, got your mind to pondering….
I’m rambling so gonna shut up now, except for one last thing
I think the word just, weakens the ending.
I could suggest also clipping the
“tasting of
nothing
at all.”
At the end of the piece and keeping the
“Just”
Because it would be maliciously mis-used!
Should start a #balls theme, pretty sure it would go off.
Onto the meat and potatoes…. No pun intended
——————————————-
“Your hypothalamus, a structure deep in your brain, acts as your body's smart control coordinating center. Its main function is to keep your body in a stable state called homeostasis. It does its job by directly influencing your autonomic nervous system or by managing hormones.“
The title of the piece reveals its utility about midway through the piece which I like in a poem, but there again I’m easy.
The undercurrent of sexual frustration and duress is played with deftly through the first stanza with emphasis on the line breaks to put you in a state of synthesising two ideas at the same time,
Sexual frustration
and
the mental inability to put someone out of your head and move on…..
And the fact they’re intruding at a time like that…..yeah your authors note is now making more sense too 😂
“I feel like I could
shove my whole hand
in the slick folds of
my mind,
slap that little
nib on my
amygdala,
and still lay here
just lay here,
mildly aroused,
unusually bored,
and praying it won't
burn when I piss”
Continuing the duality of meaning within the write
Shove my hand in
Slick folds
Slap that nib
Couched sexual innuendo
overlaying the
Just lay here
Frustrated
Bored
Amygdala-Shown to perform a primary role in the processing of memory, decision making, and emotional responses (including fear, anxiety, and aggression), the amygdalae are considered part of the limbic system
Yep right there baby….
Praying it won’t
burn when I piss…..
poetry in the humanity of the piece!
No flowery bullshit.
—————————————
And the damndest thing
of it all is:
I made you.
Self realisation followed by introspection,
as if the inability to get off, got your mind to pondering….
I’m rambling so gonna shut up now, except for one last thing
I think the word just, weakens the ending.
I could suggest also clipping the
“tasting of
nothing
at all.”
At the end of the piece and keeping the
“Just”
31st May 2022 1:58am
OMG, gaps, this was better than what I wrote. We could deconstruct this shit and call it art!
My inner pedantic diva is gleefully clapping her hands!
SO...
I would absolutely maliciously use "fuck off' or "fuck it all" or "balls." There would be no other purpose.
What the fuck is a #balls theme? I've been gone 10 years, gaps, I don't know how any of this new fangled theme shit works.
______
Your insight is so keen, and I love the glimpses of that wicked sense of humor.
So I compromised that end. I cut 'just' because it was redundant. But I still liked the end, so I let it lie. Thank you for the critique, though. I love the way a few little nudges here and there make something...better... you know? It's like sorcery.
Thanks again for the r/r/
My inner pedantic diva is gleefully clapping her hands!
SO...
I would absolutely maliciously use "fuck off' or "fuck it all" or "balls." There would be no other purpose.
What the fuck is a #balls theme? I've been gone 10 years, gaps, I don't know how any of this new fangled theme shit works.
______
Your insight is so keen, and I love the glimpses of that wicked sense of humor.
So I compromised that end. I cut 'just' because it was redundant. But I still liked the end, so I let it lie. Thank you for the critique, though. I love the way a few little nudges here and there make something...better... you know? It's like sorcery.
Thanks again for the r/r/
Anonymous
- Edited 26th Jun 2022 10:02pm
31st May 2022 00:31am
.
31st May 2022 1:53am
Thanks ps. I'm glad you felt it.
Fucking throw some shit! Yeah!
Or better yet, go write some shit! Why hold back all that good, clean rage when you can strap on a blowtorch and fuck shit up?
Thanks for the r/r
Fucking throw some shit! Yeah!
Or better yet, go write some shit! Why hold back all that good, clean rage when you can strap on a blowtorch and fuck shit up?
Thanks for the r/r
