Good Service and Wanderlust  - Diary entry #3

“What the fuck were you thinking, Mother?”  
 
So this is what it feels like to reverse roles with your daughter, I thought.  
 
“I wasn’t thinking at all.”  
 
“Oh, I think you were. You were thinking with your vagina, not your brain.”  
 
“I’m sorry, you’re right,” I said.  
 
She was right of course, but since my divorce, it seems that many old boundaries had been crossed. Why not cross a few more?  
 
My daughter left in a huff.
 
I sat alone staring at my phone.  
 
My fingers trembled as I typed a seven-word text. My heart raced when I hit send.  
 
I stared at the text.  I would like to meet and talk – Nizana
 
What would my daughter think?  
 
What would my lover think? He’d given me no reason for wanderlust, but I felt it so strong. I was confused. What did it mean? Was it fear of getting too close? Was I trying to make up for missed love during my marriage?
 
My head hurt. My heart hurt, too.  
 
I pulled up my lover’s number and called. Maybe this urge to wander would pass with some affirmation and a little loving tonight.  
 
To be continued…