deepundergroundpoetry.com
day one of a new life .
.
adam, still starry-eyed
talking apples
and possibilities
of biting into the
forbidden
it makes
the lady
blush,scream,moan
-digging dark nails
into white cotton
while curtains wave
the evening breeze
into steamed
bedroom mist
she, thanks the world
while screaming
"I'm coming!"
from a rib;
once thought
to be her own
having learned
from the illegal fruit's
hallucinations
they were his
before her mother
knew of embryo
modern men
know
foundation,powder,blush
lip-stick
reside in small compartments
of the purse
she calls "my bag"
-he knows how to get it
in a moments notice
which
was part of the
all-seeing agreement
made with a serpent
in a garden, on the day
he saw her breasts as
more significant than
life support
-the same day her ass
was worth mentioning
at a university convention
on
"life-after-day-zero"
while psychologists
labeled him
attention-deficit;
not taking the brush
of her hair
or her foot tattoo
into account
she, laying face up
counting galaxies
looking for comets
and shooting stars
in the aftermath
wonders if
it started when
they
wrote "forever" on the
back of a paper napkin
in a dive
without
an oxygen tank
[x]
.
Published 5th May 2022
| Edited 6th May 2022
Author's Note
...For Wifey.
( who is very much a Depp fan! )
( who is very much a Depp fan! )
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
5th May 2022 10:00pm
Evenin’
I read this earlier. Decided to sit with it for the day. Plus it got me through my ridiculous shift knowing I had this to comment on later.
I really enjoyed the imagery in this. I love how it uses that biblical Adam and Eve story made quite your own. There’s also something really loving and tender about the idea of a partner coming from the rib of man. It creates this lovely mirror of relationships in the forming. Nice touch.
Obviously I can’t not talk about the erotica element in this which is top drawer. However I did wonder if the use of the words tits and ass actually weakened the lyrical nature of the rest of the poem. Just because the rest is just so beautiful in its delivery, it feels really brash somehow. Just a thought I had on reading.
That last stanza is a delight. Anything with space imagery just sells it for me when it comes to poems like this. It’s also a lovely mirror of the “Adam still starry eyed” at the beginning. As if he’s there from beginning to end, and that’s a lovely twist.
It truly baffles me that 51 people have read that and none of those people commented….
… philistines. 😂
Also… sorry to the wifey, but Johnny Depp just needs a fkn good wash. Sorry, not sorry. 🤣
Lush work. Cheers and stuff!
-M
I read this earlier. Decided to sit with it for the day. Plus it got me through my ridiculous shift knowing I had this to comment on later.
I really enjoyed the imagery in this. I love how it uses that biblical Adam and Eve story made quite your own. There’s also something really loving and tender about the idea of a partner coming from the rib of man. It creates this lovely mirror of relationships in the forming. Nice touch.
Obviously I can’t not talk about the erotica element in this which is top drawer. However I did wonder if the use of the words tits and ass actually weakened the lyrical nature of the rest of the poem. Just because the rest is just so beautiful in its delivery, it feels really brash somehow. Just a thought I had on reading.
That last stanza is a delight. Anything with space imagery just sells it for me when it comes to poems like this. It’s also a lovely mirror of the “Adam still starry eyed” at the beginning. As if he’s there from beginning to end, and that’s a lovely twist.
It truly baffles me that 51 people have read that and none of those people commented….
… philistines. 😂
Also… sorry to the wifey, but Johnny Depp just needs a fkn good wash. Sorry, not sorry. 🤣
Lush work. Cheers and stuff!
-M
6th May 2022 3:58am
I adore biblical references mingled blasphemously like this with personal story, erotica and a touch of crass. Perfect blend and that it’s dedicated to your Depp-fan wife is the cherry on top. Top shelf work
