deepundergroundpoetry.com
counting the minutes in the days
Day 5
can't eat
barely sleep
nausea creeping through
everything I do
I force food into my body
try and give myself
the energy to get through
I reach out
to another helpline
try and find peace
among the broken pieces
but they offer me
nothing more than temporary
reassurances and hope
because no one can give me
and guarantee
that I'll get through this
unscathed
I fear the future
I fear what I can't see
or hold onto
I fear harder times
and trying to find the strength
to weather them
when I can barely weather this
And so I fall under the weight
of today's anxiety
that holds me down
and tells me I'm not drowning
while I choke to breathe
I spend half the day outside
kicking a soccor ball
crying into the wind
until I can inhale
without panicking
Inside
I put Disney on the TV
watch kids movies
to ease the raging beast
that comes in waves
to remind me
that these small moments
of peace are an illusion
and that I can't keep
the beast at bay indefinitely
It's day 5
can't eat
barely sleep
nausea creeping through
everything I do
Anxiety has the upper hand
and all I can do
is take small steps
so that maybe tomorrow
this anxiety won't win
© Indie Adams 2022
can't eat
barely sleep
nausea creeping through
everything I do
I force food into my body
try and give myself
the energy to get through
I reach out
to another helpline
try and find peace
among the broken pieces
but they offer me
nothing more than temporary
reassurances and hope
because no one can give me
and guarantee
that I'll get through this
unscathed
I fear the future
I fear what I can't see
or hold onto
I fear harder times
and trying to find the strength
to weather them
when I can barely weather this
And so I fall under the weight
of today's anxiety
that holds me down
and tells me I'm not drowning
while I choke to breathe
I spend half the day outside
kicking a soccor ball
crying into the wind
until I can inhale
without panicking
Inside
I put Disney on the TV
watch kids movies
to ease the raging beast
that comes in waves
to remind me
that these small moments
of peace are an illusion
and that I can't keep
the beast at bay indefinitely
It's day 5
can't eat
barely sleep
nausea creeping through
everything I do
Anxiety has the upper hand
and all I can do
is take small steps
so that maybe tomorrow
this anxiety won't win
© Indie Adams 2022
Published 2nd May 2022
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
2nd May 2022 6:55am
Sometimes it's all we can do to cope, just go by the minute, distract yourself.. time does ease the manic, but how much time is never guaranteed either, is it? I feel like when we have that consciousness of what we're going through, and how we're handling it, we can learn better how to handle future blips, but then there's just getting through it in survival mode... Don't know till we're there.
This is an extremely vivid and relatable snapshot into anxiety and severe depression, even grief. Thank you for sharing
This is an extremely vivid and relatable snapshot into anxiety and severe depression, even grief. Thank you for sharing
2nd May 2022 7:00am
Thank you Jesta, for your lovely feedback. I'm learning what helps, but it's a work in process. I know logically things will get better, but emotionally I'm struggling to accept that when everything is so difficult.
4th May 2022 5:57am
4th May 2022 7:24am
