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Erotic Juvenilia

The fantasy, I realise now,
was always hugging, closeness,

touch.

Even when I tried to impress
with graphic renderings of cocks
and cunts and masturbation,
in truth it was always

touch.

Reflecting on my poetry of lust
and how it didn’t measure up
to any life experience,
and thus felt stupid, false,
the crude engine breaks open and
I see what made it run:
a wanting to be held.

And with it a perverted urge
to ground that wanting in fetish,
in shallowness and self-destruction.
Based on my father telling me
that Rock Hudson was dead
because he sucked men’s cocks.
I was thirteen then, or thereabouts.
We were watching a film
when Hudson’s name came up.

It only occurs to me now that sex can truly be
an act of love as well as lust,
between the right people.
Written by Casted_Runes (Mr Karswell)
Published
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