nothing to do with use

 
There are times I need you
times like this your love
Is need I have to explore
in waves of self doubt
sit weighted on my chest
deep in thought where love laid
do I dare say a word if I do
a dark cloud may come over you
do I just live this way another day
can I survive this way not to say
for the hundredth time to ask
for your love filled memory's
or simply forgot they every existed
I remember the first time we met
most of the noted day we spent
the Joy that they brought me
a love that still is apart of me
if all you can do is look back and see ugly
so where does that leave me
was it a lie with out shades of truth
I feel my whole world is gone without our start
am I just an abstract thought that filled a form
so, while I was building memory's of youthful love
were you deploying self destructive land mines
I’ll nourish myself on the love I felt
what was consuming the past faces of abuse
I’ll write to you my love still in a romantic way
of past event and love displayed I am sorry
for all you can see is a damage broken trust
that has nothing to do with use