grief

Can I call this a love poem?  
After almostv40 years
After 40 love poems
Obsessing over your beauty
Our friendship evolving  
From sea creatures  
crawling from the water
Discovering our legs
Only to find them too weak
To stand on when needed most
The final fall, Lisa
Was the worst one of all
Did you overdose on purpose
Or was the inevitability of cancer
A cloud your mind succumbed  to
Was Meth just another bad habit  
Or a tool to escape the overwhelming pain
In this life I will never know
I will never know why you did not call
40 years of "I love yous" between friends
Was not enough for one more conversation
Perhaps you knew I would talk you out of it
Or was there even anything to talk you from?
Perhaps it was an accident
No one in this world knows
No one here grieving ever will
If only you had wanted me
On the stairwell at Kim wood
How completely different this April would have been
Just 4 more months and we might have seen
No obituary, no service or funeral
How I found out was so unfair Lisa
And the terrible details of your OD
I'm not even sure how to cry
The shock is too hard, not one tear
I can't accept that you are gone
We talked just a few months ago
You were fighting the monster
I kept calling to see how you were
Did the surgery go well or not at all
I don't know anything of how it came to pass
After you passed your father threw everything in the trash
All my love letters and poems to you
You saved all those years, gone just like that
Cremation without a word
I would have given a eulogy of my love
Now I can only hope that a single prayer  
Can save you from an eternity of pain
That you must have wished would end
I will wish that for you Lisa
My love for you has endured through endless suffering
If the Lord cannot forgive you then let it be known
I am greater than the Lord, for you have ascended into my Heaven, a place of eternal peace
Rest in peace now and forever Lisa!
Always your friend and always in love,
Joe