Dispensed Opiates

Memories
appear more attractive
when finely honed then
offered a side glance.
It  grants  a new perspective

Three hundred plus days
overflow into weeks
as I sit looking forward
 yet I remain
preparing for tomorrow

Slicing hemlock 
to steep in my tea
Grinding Milk thistle, to be
snorted followed by a strong
shot of diesel fuel these self prescribed  treatments
I believed
 I could not do without

Staples and sutures, begin
to bargain for a fresh new
design within my skull
Covered over in a cross section
of the old sadly patterned
after the days when you
were the centerof my  
everything
you were my  dispensed opiates overused never enough
you were needles raining
down from a red sky aligned
to puncture any dreams
I may have  

I held  on to those days with barbed claws tearing flesh as I wipe away tears
still unclear
why the fuck I thought
we were so  lovely