I LIVE

     
how tired    
or brave    
this life    
this wave    
in turbulence    
or happiness    
drowned or saved    
perpetually
either    
up or down    
stuck    
in whats   
now  become
this decades long      
inner hauntings    
silent    
limbo    
of such complex    
existential uncertainties    
forced forth    
by both    
circumstance    
and fate    
it seems    
to long wander    
what little    
now remains    
of this    
increasingly    
toxic
american wasteland    
of the    
so called    
once living
so called
once
but no longer
truly free  
who perhaps  
here now  
in fact  
are fast becoming  
figuratively  
and literally  
more like
the living dead  
and me  
myself  
this so called  
self  
im really  
not  
only sense  
im fast  
unbecoming
even ever more
undone  
still seemingly
forever feeling    
somewhat  
forever lost    
somewhere between    
this life        
and so called
deaths
not quite fully
forgotten 
faded hopes  
and so many  
other  
more or less  
faithless misgivings
equally lost
failed  sunken dreams
whose
inextinguishable  ghosts
still
so persistently
seem
to inwardly
call out
to me
refusing
to ever completely
give up on me
still
either way
against all odds
somehow
someway
here yet again
today
it now seems
i find
myself
but not
so much
to my utter
surprise
disbelief
and relief
faced with
the newly saddled
sudden
realization
that
im still here
yet alive
despite it all
against all odds
where
even like this
still
nonetheless
here
in this skin
in this
long  strange journey
of my present
still
ongoing life
i continue
to not only
persist
in consciously
choosing
to strive
as much
as i can
day by day
night by night
to not only
thrive
but to flourish
in the joyous
open fullness
of my truest
most radiant life
and light
as well
with my
equally resilient
all
or nothing
attitude
and spirit
in which
i now
personally choose
spiritually choose
to simply
or not
continue
living on
transcendently
if and when
i must
and consciously
at least
until
my eternal souls
present journeys
temporal
physical song
has finally come
back around
full hoop
full circle
once more
in its
beautifully mysterious
recyclic
non endings
highest being
again