out of the mouth of babes

this is not the best day ever

a deep sadness lingers in your eyes,
but you struggle to bring it to words.
you rest your head in my arms
as I hold you tight and tell you
it's alright to feel what you feel,
but there's times you stare at the floor
with nothing but silent confusion

I wish I could be two places at once

my heart feels like it's being ripped
from my chest, as if the split
was only yesterday's agony.
I remember all the times I failed you
when I didn't come when I said I would,
and I think of you crying out for me.

I used to cry for you in my crib

mommy was still a child herself
and a fool at best when she was gone.
if I could change anything, I would.
if I had another second chance,
I'd be the one you run to at night
when you're sick, scared, or hurting.
daddy would walk in the room
to find me asleep by your side,
and he'd smile and tuck us in.

why don't you like my daddy anymore?

baby, I've never stopped loving him
even when we tore each other to pieces
with hurtful words and actions.
I can't tell your young ears
— how I cried the whole way back
from becoming a cheater and a liar,
how I cried while lying next to
another man who only destroyed me,
and how I stood in the way of his family
in a sick game of proving I was worthy.
baby, I can't admit to you how awful
your mama was to the other half of you

daddy, meet my mama
mama, this is my daddy

can't help but chuckle and remember
yes, baby girl, we know
we were there
I still think of the awe and wonder
in his face when he felt you kick
along with the tired desperation
on his face in the hospital
when you were crying
and I couldn't get up
but he never left our side

daddy you have to kiss her

      I'm gonna make you kiss my daddy

daddy, you have to be her best friend

        don't you be mean to my mama!

please stop
I beg of you
the purity and innocence of your plea
rings true in what you know should be.
your words burn me somewhere deep,
reminding me of my mama's advice
so long ago that I didn't take.
I am marked forever by him,
with the matching tattoos
and my c section scar,
and I long for the last name
that I once refused
out of youthful feminist pride.

Dammit, dammit, dammit!

I'm gonna have a baby sister

you've said this for years.
part of me hopes with an aching heart
that you've seen it in your dreams
about him and I
and not the beautiful woman
he just asked to be his bride

Dammit, dammit, dammit!

you're the best mama ever

I love you with everything I am.