Between heaven and hell

I knew you'd be bad for me
when we fell in love
but told myself your chaos
was a ride I could get off any time
 
Your darkness was a slow hell
I knew how to manage  
when you slipped into that abyss
with beautiful rarity  
 
You fucked like heaven  
and I lived for every part of you
that reminded me  
I was so exquisitely alive
when the other half of me  
was dead inside
 
But there's no high
I could ride  
that would temper your darkness  
when addiction held you tighter
than my love  
 
Your hands that once held heaven
lost their mercy
and there isn't a violent enough fuck
to shake your darkness from my bones  
and bring back the life  
you once held on loving lips
and gentle finger tips
 
Trapped in a corner  
whiskey drenched cruelty
trembling in a clenched fist
and cold words you  
wouldn't dare to say to me
in sobrieties light
 
You don't know me anymore
I can't be the free spirit  
you fell in love with
when you hold me down  
while telling me this pain is love
 
There is no love in a void of fear  
I couldn't love you to sobriety
and you couldn't love me right
from the bottom of a bottle  
 
These empty bottles you now carry
badges of regret that they were ever  
filled with your violence  
don't make the fear go away
 
If you wanted me
you should have loved me better
when we were both fearless  
but I don't think you ever were
 
~Eve~