deepundergroundpoetry.com
Afraid to love
I hope that there's a god above
It means that we will meet again
I dream of this, but until then
I fear I am afraid to love
My mother lost
My father lost
And in between a terrible cost
My mind was thrown into the storm
For years and years, for tears and fears
Insanity became my home
My heart now wears a coward's crown
Although I still do what I must
There is no passion, there's no trust
There's just this fear, this fear of loss
I want there to be love again
And though I don't know when and how
I must open the gates of my soul
The time to start this quest is now
I have a fear above them all
And pray with fire to god above
Give me the strength to tear down this wall
Let me not die afraid to love
It means that we will meet again
I dream of this, but until then
I fear I am afraid to love
My mother lost
My father lost
And in between a terrible cost
My mind was thrown into the storm
For years and years, for tears and fears
Insanity became my home
My heart now wears a coward's crown
Although I still do what I must
There is no passion, there's no trust
There's just this fear, this fear of loss
I want there to be love again
And though I don't know when and how
I must open the gates of my soul
The time to start this quest is now
I have a fear above them all
And pray with fire to god above
Give me the strength to tear down this wall
Let me not die afraid to love
Published 21st Dec 2021
Author's Note
Since my parents died, since I have known that I have a disorder of the mind (which you can live a normal life with, but still) it has been hard for me to love something, for fear that it will be taken away. I need to conquer this fear to live a fulfilled life, but it's hard. It's hard to trust in that good things will remain in my life, though some have remained in my life and there's every indication they will. Still, it's hard to trust after the last ten years.
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21st Dec 2021 1:12pm
So you want to love someone? Don't bother. It's a mugs game. Nobody wins and you're left with a bitter aftertaste.
Good poem, but you need a thick skin in this world. Don't open your heart to anyone.
Good poem, but you need a thick skin in this world. Don't open your heart to anyone.
21st Dec 2021 3:59pm
Not necessarily someone, there are many kinds of love, you can love activities as well. As far as opening your heart to someone goes I have good experiences with it, albeit more in the realm of friendship and family, so I have to disagree partially. But I respect your opinion and thank you for your comment.
21st Dec 2021 5:40pm
Yes, love can leave hurtful memories but it can also leave priceless memories to sweeten a death-bed. Despite a purely civil relationship with my father most my life, it was the shared happy memories that comforted us both as he lay dying. I agree with Tennyson that it’s “better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”
Thank you for sharing of your struggles. This is well written thoughts on a very relatable subject.
Thank you for sharing of your struggles. This is well written thoughts on a very relatable subject.
8th Jan 2022 5:52pm
This heart felt and so sad but it's understood more than you think.
Hang in there, just keep breathing a little more day by day
Hang in there, just keep breathing a little more day by day
9th Jan 2022 1:01pm
Thanks for your encouragement! It has gotten better since I wrote this poem, it was kind of a low point in this respect.
