I Love To Hate...

I love to hate this black hole town
Where I am suppressed
Depressed
Choking on the sickly sweet tang
Of self denial
And thus so angelic
I am almost insane
Wrapped up in tendrils of guilt
And the feeling
That I am more than a little perverted.

I’m a wall, I’m a cage
I’m not a real person
I’m a robot girl running on autopilot
Burying the pain and fly-away rage
Until I want to slit my wrists from the inside of my veins
Though trying to become one with the dirt clogged daisies
Would defeat the purpose
Of every glorious step
I take into the world
Outside the psyche ward walls of oppression
This town represents.

While elastic strings hold me tight  
To snap me back into a plasticated reality  
And I can feel the panic attack coming
To asphyxiate me with designer pantyhose
Attached to stiletto heels of judgment
Long before I’ve crossed the threshold
Into lipstick smiles and dead eye greetings
Where we might as well be animated blow-up dolls
For all the truth there is in our expressions
(Not to mention our sex lives).

I love to hate this black hole town
With its bogan men and egotistical pretty boys
Neither of whom I want to fuck
When my tastes go in the opposite direction
And religion has too big a foothold
For me to stand up and say
“Fuck you, I’m a lesbian”
Without drowning in the fallout
When I am not the only one
That will get tortured with that great book of fiction
In this pretentious, black hole of a town… that I love to hate

Indie Adams 2012