After You

You and I have a complicated history.

I loved the chemistry and mystery
Between us before I learned that love
Is a losing game. I used to dream of
A future for the two of us. I used to
Think that I had a chance with you,
But nothing could prepare me for
The turmoil or tears to come. Before
I fell apart I walked away knowing
That some part of me was showing
That I was still in love with you. I
 Tried to forget you but as I cried
Over who you used to be I could
No longer do this to myself. I would
Have run away from the lights and
Pain before I could hold your hand.

You want to know about my dream
About you, but I know at the seam
And in the middle of this madness
There are deep feelings of sadness
And there are feelings for something
We can no longer have like a ring
On my finger or vows written all
Over my body. I would have a wall
Up if it were not for you to break
It down. You still have a shot to take
Everything that I built from the ground
Up and destroy it all, but the sound
I hate to hear is your heart breaking
Into thousands of pieces. I was taking
Your promises, but I was the one
Who was asking for too much sun
In the name of love. How was it that
I loved you more when you laid flat
On the floor and your heart open?

I kept your shirt as it was a token
And reminded me of better times.

It reminded me that you sometimes
Cannot forget the one who taught
You about love, even in the middle
Of the war zone. You were a riddle
I could not solve. You were a puzzle
Piece and you were the heart muscle
When I could no longer breathe.

Now I have to protect and sheathe
My heart from any further damage.

Someway and somehow you manage
To make it all look so easy with your
Footsteps walking away. In the door
Frame you did not even look back.

I wanted to follow you into the black
And empty night, but something kept
Me right here after I had to accept
Cold truth… we could never come
Back from this. I am still numb.