deepundergroundpoetry.com
JUST SOME WORDS
Just some words
that you read,
just some word
someone said,
just some words
stuck in your head.
Those same words
can have such power,
like a bud before
the flower,
or a signal
from a tower.
So choose the words
whenever you can,
decide which flames
are best to fan,
listen to your
trusted clan.
Morganpoet
that you read,
just some word
someone said,
just some words
stuck in your head.
Those same words
can have such power,
like a bud before
the flower,
or a signal
from a tower.
So choose the words
whenever you can,
decide which flames
are best to fan,
listen to your
trusted clan.
Morganpoet
Published 2nd Nov 2021
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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16th Jan 2022 12:18pm
This is a really interesting idea, well written with a pleasing consistent rhyme.
But then it just stops leaving you hanging. Maybe that was the intent, if so ignore what I am about to say.
When you use that rhyming pattern AAA, BBB, CCC … you are diverging from the standard writing pattern and therefore from the reader’s normal expectations of even numbered lines. So it feels like there is a line missing, which can be a great technique to keep the reader engaged, because they are unconsciously looking for that line that isn’t there, but it doesn’t give the reader a punchy or should I say satisfying conclusion if you finish the poem that way. If that’s what you are going for then you either need to include a fourth line on the last stanza or finish with a stronger idea.
But like I said before, if that was not the intent just ignore me. I’m certainly not an expert and your poem is beautiful as is.
But then it just stops leaving you hanging. Maybe that was the intent, if so ignore what I am about to say.
When you use that rhyming pattern AAA, BBB, CCC … you are diverging from the standard writing pattern and therefore from the reader’s normal expectations of even numbered lines. So it feels like there is a line missing, which can be a great technique to keep the reader engaged, because they are unconsciously looking for that line that isn’t there, but it doesn’t give the reader a punchy or should I say satisfying conclusion if you finish the poem that way. If that’s what you are going for then you either need to include a fourth line on the last stanza or finish with a stronger idea.
But like I said before, if that was not the intent just ignore me. I’m certainly not an expert and your poem is beautiful as is.
29th Jan 2023 7:23am
Thanks for your comment Noble_Incubus, my apologies for the delayed reply, yes my intent was to keep the reader hanging as well as give myself some verses to hold onto as "Just some words" had been said / read and they would not leave my head.
So I wrote this poem to put those words in their place!
So I wrote this poem to put those words in their place!
