deepundergroundpoetry.com
An Ocean away
I think that If I spent as much time hating the person living inside of me as much as I did picking at every other piece of myself, it might not be so bad.
I don't remember where it all started, where it became less beauty and more hellfire.
I don't know when it became less about being starved and more about being starving,
Or where the anger came from, or why it still bubbles and pools under my skin like hot volcanic magma.
I think that If I spent as much time hating the human being living on the inside of my skin as I did trying to learn to love her, that the pain dancing around inside of my lungs would not be so bad.
That breathing would not make me so tired, that existing inside of a body like mine wouldn't be so bad.
But life isn't that kind, she never will be; she is suffocating us both,
Determined to take us both down with her to sink like sunken broken ships in the belly of an unforgiving ocean.
But god, thinking about how easy it could all be for us, it is something worse.
Knowing that we are so close, yet so far.
An ocean away.
I don't remember where it all started, where it became less beauty and more hellfire.
I don't know when it became less about being starved and more about being starving,
Or where the anger came from, or why it still bubbles and pools under my skin like hot volcanic magma.
I think that If I spent as much time hating the human being living on the inside of my skin as I did trying to learn to love her, that the pain dancing around inside of my lungs would not be so bad.
That breathing would not make me so tired, that existing inside of a body like mine wouldn't be so bad.
But life isn't that kind, she never will be; she is suffocating us both,
Determined to take us both down with her to sink like sunken broken ships in the belly of an unforgiving ocean.
But god, thinking about how easy it could all be for us, it is something worse.
Knowing that we are so close, yet so far.
An ocean away.
Published 24th Oct 2021
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