I Know It's Dumb, but..

I wanted you
to tell me
it's going to be okay.
Instead you made me fear
the death you'll die someday.

I wanted you
to say sorry
when the cops came to my house.
When you pushed me down the stairs.
I watched them escort you out.

I wanted you
to be the one
Who showed up on the bad days
or at the very least
be in the crowd at my school plays.

I wanted you
to be real
like really talk to me.
You are made up of jokes and pointing fingers.
I know there's more to you underneath.

I wanted you
to hug me
when I hadn't seen you in so long.
I missed my face in your sweater
Wanting you felt wrong.

I needed you
to respect me
to let me grow even though you were sad.
I needed you to just be there.
I needed you, dad.