The Fucking Fork in The Road

Caught in the middle of my own feelings
Of love, and hate.
Caught with feelings of fear, pain, and anger.
Caught with feelings of love, passion, and memories.

A fork in the road and I must choose which way to go.
The picture perfect life of deceit, unknown disaster,
love till death do us part.

The other full of great release of emotion, hurtful words, and
the stillness of a bleeding soldier.

I just sit here waiting for the road to clear.
Waiting for some redemption of some sort to heal my broken self.
Wait for my wounds to heal, but never rendering the medicine to take
the infection away.
I just rubbing salt in them day after day.
Picking the scabs off to watch them bleed.
Getting bigger but never receding, they just keep bleeding.

I try to turn away and run back.
But the road is a one way.
Pick your choice, for where you have landed was never handed
to you by mistake.
These my dear are the choices you, yourself have made.

I pull my hair to feel the pain, to numb the brain, to kill
the act of being insane. I cut myself to see if it hurts worse
then living here breathing.
I scream in my head, make it stop and never return again.

But day after day,
I just sit and stay,
Wait in silence
for that life changing way.