Half-hearted Regret

The sound of a desperate woman in love almost kills me.
The ringing of freedom in the street fuels me, burns me,
As thick scales of reassurance grow, inches apart, inches each year.
She stands in this aurora, faith festering in a secret alphabet,
Knowing there’s a way to remember (better yet, a way to forget).
There’s a sound of liberty through rebellion, and pleasure through pity.
She hides on the other side, as I burn down the creaking city.

I’m a back-door man, an Earth traitor.
I’m a will-o-the-wisp negro, a Willie Dixon imitator.
Chances grow on you, the more you get to know them,
Going behind someone’s back has never felt so easy.
Dogs in the road kill children, green fires amidst riots of anarchy.

Another filter-less cigarette,
Another time to play Russian roulette.
There’s Saturn in the skies, he’s glaring at me.
This is a world of blues, a roar of rock,
Now go on, he ain’t lookin’. Suck my cock.

Innocence amidst, virginity under a black sun.
Dazed, silent, misguided in a delicate chaos.
Maybe all this compassion will pay off.
Or maybe I’ve been far too sympathetic,
When she dies by the marauder’s hand,
Headless even though she still stands.
There are neck entrails,
Squirming tendrils.

I should have accepted abandonment as my only fame.
Abdication is the path of a guideless future,
Dogma is only man’s best friend.
The goddamn ring-finger won’t fucking bend.
Gotta get that fucking ring off,
Gotta go find another companion to forget about.

The doors of perception are open wide,
A gaping maw, a vortex with a cat’s eye at the end.
Gotta get spagettified, gotta get constitutional, gotta get dignified, gotta get ratified,
Gotta get official, so I can take her meek rebuttal and fuck it,
Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it up,
Fuck in everywhere, fuck it anyhow, fuck it whenever I want,
Fuck it all night long, cram it down her mind’s refusing throat and fuck it there,
Too.
I’ll take it behind the back door and fuck it up,
Fuck it under the moon,
Fuck it when it can’t breath anymore,
Fuck it on the roof,
Fuck it with it’s friend’s whore,
Fuck it behind the bleachers of a dying school,
Fuck it in the lonely shed,
Break it, bang it, beat it, shoot it, stab it dead,
At least until her betraying voice dies in my head.