Köln

 
 
Forgiveness is a queer beast -  
was an avid bike rider at thirteen
unstable on tyres for most of it.  
Seventeen Summers,  
Luxembourg pedalled, Au Paired,
Europe roads, pastries,
prewalker twins, Fortuna stubs
in gardens, frightened
of cellars, clean,
ivory tiles, washing machines,
fell in love with churches,
French mussels, out of love
with him, sheep coat hair,
shirts made well, mind wolven,
linguistic tongue.  
Knowledge is king -  
why we were there,
living out third year,  
degree in Köln.
I caught trains,
watched worlds,
he devoured
books. In a cafe
near the station,
he saw it.
was sipping coffee,
eye fog, heart perched
on a suitcase,
contemplating time,
said he'd leave Germany
if I left him,
and did leave him,
that millionaire's playground,
twins, instead
headed home,
faced what I'd run from,
gangrene legs, varicose smiles,
the death of a Mother,
set aside leg work in Köln,  
chalked up as experience,
became someone else.  
He did leave his degree,
nervous breakdown,  
and he had a brilliant mind,
while not for me,  
I did ask his forgiveness
years later, and got it
but I'm not so sure
'sorry' ever cleanses the soul.