LEADING MEN ARE DOGS

sometimes a prince comes along
and sometimes a princess,
which is okay, too

but most of the men in these movies
are monstrous oversexed psychopaths
or bumbling alcoholic fuck wads

conniving junkie bastards


rich, arrogant whore mongering slime bags,

all of them snakes, and commonly
the negligent fathers of young impressionable girls
and abusive husbands and lovers
all weaseling into a good woman's life
then settling into their wicked ways
and showing their true colors

so...

switch the damned thing to Hallmark
where at least the men are pro bono lawyers
or environmentalist pediatrician cowboys
working for nonprofits on Christmas Eve
and they're clean and good looking
with nice beards and they dress nice, too
but the women are like porcelain sculptures
with plastic lips and fake hair and no vaginas

so...

switch on over to Lifetime
where the women have laugh lines
and working body parts
but their poor, sick babies are constantly stolen
and they always lose their good jobs
and after a diagnosis of rare cancer
just before their asshole of a husband dumps them
and while the kind ol' frump of a landlord is okay
for a tearful chuckle (she reminds him of his dead wife)
all the leading men are fuck wads again
but better looking than those miserable
horny unshaven fuck wads that
we started with on Netflix