deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Outlaw
Randolph Ellwood “The Bone” Cannon
Had been an outlaw since 1875
He and his gang robbed banks and trains
But he was also known for his sex-drive
Every time Randy would go into a town
He’d visit the local whorehouse for a night
After all his name was Randy The Bone Cannon
And he would always relish in this delight
So for nearly two decades
Randy and his gang terrorized the west
Then in 1892 several states hired top US Marshalls
Because they wanted only the best
The Marshalls tracked The Bone down
To a town near the Mexican border
He had been having a week long drinking binge
Causing all kind of ruckus and disorder
They nearly caught him with his pants down
Just as he was about to have his main course
He tried to escape by jumping out a window
But he was so drunk he couldn’t ride his horse
The next morning he was sentenced to death
And at noon The Bone would be hung from a noose
Photographs of his arrest were taken
So it would make the following week’s news
At 11:30 in the morning just outside of town
Randy Cannon was given one last request
But his only wish was to speak to his trusted horse
To which the judge allowed this strange behest
The Bone whispered something to the animal
And like a bolt of lightning it took off running
Heading back to the middle of the town
As the Marshalls thought something was cunning
Soon the horse returned with two whores on his back
As he started screaming furious and bossy
“No you stupid horse” Randy the Bone Cannon yelled
“I said posse, bring back the posse!”
Published 21st Aug 2021
Author's Note
Just an old joke
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Anonymous
21st Aug 2021 6:49am
Things to like about this: the topic, the sex drive of criminals; the economical, direct story-telling style keeps the reader's attention; the wit and humor.
A question: at the end I'm trying to figure out what word rhymes with "posse," and I'm like, "posse...whores? Posse...whore-housie?"
I guess the simple fact that the horse misunderstood him is funny, but the way it's delivered I'm trying to make sense of it in a way that I probably shouldn't. I guess the horse is used to bringing back whores to him?
There's a scene in Unforgiven when two of the prostitutes are complaining about the compensation for cutting up the whore's face. Sally says, "We may be whores, but we sure as hell ain't horses." It's not laugh-out-loud funny, but the implied rhyme "Whores is = horses," expresses a postmodern playfulness.
Some places become too expository, like explaining the Marshalls, or phrases like "causing ruckus and disorder," "main course," and fall a bit flat.
Enjoyed!
A question: at the end I'm trying to figure out what word rhymes with "posse," and I'm like, "posse...whores? Posse...whore-housie?"
I guess the simple fact that the horse misunderstood him is funny, but the way it's delivered I'm trying to make sense of it in a way that I probably shouldn't. I guess the horse is used to bringing back whores to him?
There's a scene in Unforgiven when two of the prostitutes are complaining about the compensation for cutting up the whore's face. Sally says, "We may be whores, but we sure as hell ain't horses." It's not laugh-out-loud funny, but the implied rhyme "Whores is = horses," expresses a postmodern playfulness.
Some places become too expository, like explaining the Marshalls, or phrases like "causing ruckus and disorder," "main course," and fall a bit flat.
Enjoyed!
Thanks Mark for your comment.
Yes, there were some lines I could have spent a bit more effort to clean them up. The whores/horse rhyme/sound was also something I was also play with so as to bring in the closing punch line, he said posse but the horse heard pussy.
Unforgiven is my favorite of all time. It spoke to me of redemption and faith, as the old murderer was keeping true to his dead wife even as one of the women had offered to herself to him. But when they told him Ned was gone and he took a sip of that drink, all he did was ask for that schofield and you knew the old murderer was back. That scene alone, with so little words from William, spoke volumes for me. That's how great I think Clint was as an actor and director.
Yes, there were some lines I could have spent a bit more effort to clean them up. The whores/horse rhyme/sound was also something I was also play with so as to bring in the closing punch line, he said posse but the horse heard pussy.
Unforgiven is my favorite of all time. It spoke to me of redemption and faith, as the old murderer was keeping true to his dead wife even as one of the women had offered to herself to him. But when they told him Ned was gone and he took a sip of that drink, all he did was ask for that schofield and you knew the old murderer was back. That scene alone, with so little words from William, spoke volumes for me. That's how great I think Clint was as an actor and director.
21st Aug 2021 3:10pm
3rd Oct 2021 3:23am
21st Aug 2021 7:37pm
3rd Oct 2021 3:49am
