deepundergroundpoetry.com
10 words in a blue hour
Words resin
Dripping brain
Secretly spoken
Yet all in vain
Dripping brain
Secretly spoken
Yet all in vain
Published 14th Aug 2021
Author's Note
10 words contest :)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
15th Aug 2021 7:33am
Enjoy the strong images; the interesting metrical feet, the instinctual feel of the image & language. Nice work!
I like the use of two stresses per line, which results in some interesting metrical feet.
Nice subtle rhyme with resin & spoken.
Any revisions: I'd try to keep the visceral, imagistic content, as well as the interesting metrical feet, in particular the 3 syllable foot with 2 stress--"WORDS RE-sin
DRI-pping BRAIN"
but try to make something more conventionally sentence-like, S-V, etc.
I like the use of two stresses per line, which results in some interesting metrical feet.
Nice subtle rhyme with resin & spoken.
Any revisions: I'd try to keep the visceral, imagistic content, as well as the interesting metrical feet, in particular the 3 syllable foot with 2 stress--"WORDS RE-sin
DRI-pping BRAIN"
but try to make something more conventionally sentence-like, S-V, etc.
Hmnn thank you :) need to pay more attention to metric, im always messing it up somehow x)
15th Aug 2021 4:57pm
15th Aug 2021 6:33pm
23rd Aug 2021 10:27pm
