reoccurring mind chatter....("mental breakdown")

      
     
     
     
    low self esteem, yet a touch of "quiet confidence" more or less unseen;      
     
    introversion has been a big part of my theme; yet I still don't come off cold or mean;      
     
 in my mind, everyday I'm on a balancing beam; holding tight to my sanity;      
     
     
  i don't expect to be around for too long; yet I make the most of some days with "auto cruise" on....      
     
     
  in the back of my mind I know I'm far from ok; and if you come towards me with a kind "hello" and a smiling face....      
     
       
 at times it reminds me how much I'm "out of place" beyond that temperary space....      
     
     
i swear on my life, that I've been living by the day; and there's a numbness and anxiety in my head that just won't go away....      
     
     
i don't participate within "monopoly land"; just fortunate to have "angels" at my side that offer grace....      
     
     
there's "pain" i doubt will ever be healed; deep down I know in "this life" I won't be "fulfilled"....      
     
     
I feel "attacks" come and go; I'm without a "sword" but I carry my "shield"; i tell myself that most of this isn't "real"      
     
     
no enthusiasm in my soul; yet i haven't completely lost my will....      
"time" is like a speeding bullet; yet I've just been "low profile" and chill....      
     
     
 most days my spirit feels "weakend" yet strong enough to move.... "steady" is what it is..not "strong" enough to "improve"....      
     
     
expecting the worst; it's hard to trust what may be "pure"; life is a hospital with "medicines", and no actual cure....