i allow myself this space

give me the gloom.
  
give me the grey,
      
give me the heavy
            self consumed
      ego, and emotion
            of  a masterpiece,
    
before its made.
            
and give me a monsoon,
    so i can paint a sunny day
       that ill never step
               outside,
                     to.
and allow me the weight of the world,
    so i can confiscate its shadows.

pleased to see me     myself,
    a delicate pageantry,
    of freshly trimmed melancholy,
       firmed just enough
       to stand aside,
              yes to stand aside enough,
    to be swallowed,
                yup,  sadly
                     swallowed
               and exploded,
        in the ecstasy of second
                     guessing.

i allow my self this space,
     this space of
         wanderer,
      or pussy whipped warrior,
          deciding which wave
             the wonder rode off on.
        
 and anchored in anxiety await

which of the four winds,
    will collect?

the most western,
     for sure of tomorrows now,
        will exact payment only
           when
             the relevancy
               peaks
           backwards,
             first and
                 foremost,
              in never
                  endings
                wind.

blown of course,
       from confined freedom,
            o this ode to
                prisoned ecstasy,
             give me this day
                my daily restriction,
        so i might
             rebel
                enough
        to write myself
              another
                  day.