Fighting Relapse

Unbidden tears rise to my eyes
Threatening to pierce
The most inconvenient of settings.
I am a breakdown in the aisle at work
Ducked into the bathroom
To hide my shame from the public eye.
I am heat rising to my face
Seeing cold looks
On what should have been a warm face.
These people were family.
Shining lights in my world of darkness,
But of course, I fight a love tooth and nail
That was never supposed to be mine
Until I stand alone in a crowd,
With the smile of a sad clown
And a creepy little critter gnawing
At the back of my head.
Don't you see me still dying?