Sobriety and Reality

In between smiles,
The weight of my mistakes
Crush my very existence.
Small joys slip through the cracks.
Self hatred and self flagellation
Feed each other's gluttonous mouths
As they consume all that is left of me.
I no longer even take myself seriously.
Everyone is a mirror that reflects
Back the worst pieces of me
No matter the effort
To bring them joy
Or myself peace.
I am made up of a dopamine crash
Perpetually falling,
Muscles tensed,
Waiting to splatter on the bottom...
Awaiting a confirmation, a release
An impact that never comes.
Whistles and screams of the wind
Seem to laugh as flailing
Turns to going limp.
Please...
Make it stop.