deepundergroundpoetry.com
#EXCISION
The element of speed
The element of surprise
Grab the blade
And castrate
As she prepares for her clitoral demise
Remove her glands
The parts that can be seen
Her sensitivity
Her hood
Her tip removed like its never been
Her piss and pain
Equally evident
But only the amount of flesh removed
Is really ever relevant
Between thumb and Index
Womanhood is split
Slit and dissected
Severed and ripped
Don't tell me Shit that's its for her benefit
Inner labia - Outer labia
Sliced and discarded
Flesh from flesh departed
Sewn closed only to be again parted
Hurting young females that should be safeguarded
The element of surprise
Grab the blade
And castrate
As she prepares for her clitoral demise
Remove her glands
The parts that can be seen
Her sensitivity
Her hood
Her tip removed like its never been
Her piss and pain
Equally evident
But only the amount of flesh removed
Is really ever relevant
Between thumb and Index
Womanhood is split
Slit and dissected
Severed and ripped
Don't tell me Shit that's its for her benefit
Inner labia - Outer labia
Sliced and discarded
Flesh from flesh departed
Sewn closed only to be again parted
Hurting young females that should be safeguarded
Published 17th Jul 2021
Author's Note
#againstFemicide
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 3
comments 13
reads 584
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The author is looking for friendly feedback.
17th Jul 2021 7:30pm
OMG powerful write, I can't believe this still happens
Love and light
Ron x
Love and light
Ron x
17th Jul 2021 7:31pm
Anonymous
18th Jul 2021 5:43am
Spoiler Alert: you mentioned wanting constructive criticism, so I provide some;
--Rhetoric or Discomfort?
The rhythms tend to be very effective; the strongest aspect of the poem.
Some nice details, broadly depicted:
the element of surprise;
the girls wetting themselves;
Whatever visceral discomfort or squeamishness female genital mutilation might cause in the unfamiliar reader gets plowed under with the (good) rhythms and rhyming.
Poems that wish to witness inhumanity (without regard to the writer's personal relation to it) inevitably make a choice between 2 approaches:
1st way: powerful, hypnotic, musical speech, propulsive rhythms, etc. Celan's Death Fugue comes to mind, about the Jews in the camps.
2nd way: more understated, quiet, detached; the camera-eye is neutral, refuses jump-cuts, jerky movements, abrupt shifts of attention; powerful rhetoric is discarded for neutral objectivity; the reader is fastened in the observer-seat, unable to distract himself as the horror unfolds. Some poems by Ai, myself, and others.
This poem opts for the 1st path. That's a choice. But it's not the only choice.
--Rhetoric or Discomfort?
The rhythms tend to be very effective; the strongest aspect of the poem.
Some nice details, broadly depicted:
the element of surprise;
the girls wetting themselves;
Whatever visceral discomfort or squeamishness female genital mutilation might cause in the unfamiliar reader gets plowed under with the (good) rhythms and rhyming.
Poems that wish to witness inhumanity (without regard to the writer's personal relation to it) inevitably make a choice between 2 approaches:
1st way: powerful, hypnotic, musical speech, propulsive rhythms, etc. Celan's Death Fugue comes to mind, about the Jews in the camps.
2nd way: more understated, quiet, detached; the camera-eye is neutral, refuses jump-cuts, jerky movements, abrupt shifts of attention; powerful rhetoric is discarded for neutral objectivity; the reader is fastened in the observer-seat, unable to distract himself as the horror unfolds. Some poems by Ai, myself, and others.
This poem opts for the 1st path. That's a choice. But it's not the only choice.
18th Jul 2021 8:00am
dang... I really do appreciate the honest feed back. I feel honored you took time for me sir. I thought about this and i think maybe i could also adjust my way of writing. Taking more time with a piece rather than just writing and posting.
I may be keeping things too simple...
Your awesome thanks
I may be keeping things too simple...
Your awesome thanks
Anonymous
18th Jul 2021 8:10am
I hope the feedback helps.
I haven't forgot our conversation.
As I mentioned, the work with the rhythms was very nice, and the details, too.
Nice work!
--Mark
I haven't forgot our conversation.
As I mentioned, the work with the rhythms was very nice, and the details, too.
Nice work!
--Mark
18th Jul 2021 8:25am
Very much appreciated sir...
I was kinda checking up on you to see if there was something. I can't wait to see. Going by your comments i bet it will be good.
I was kinda checking up on you to see if there was something. I can't wait to see. Going by your comments i bet it will be good.
18th Jul 2021 1:46pm
Very powerfull piece. It's still unimaginable these practices sstill exist in this modern world.
18th Jul 2021 3:25pm
18th Jul 2021 3:19pm
18th Jul 2021 3:24pm
19th Jul 2021 2:37am
Your willingness to take on ugly truths, and expose them in your poetry, is admirable. I tend to agree with Mark that this was too sing-songish for the subject, but powerful nonetheless 👏
19th Jul 2021 2:24pm
I was aiming for a certain age demographic... but i feel you... i will do something better...
19th Jul 2021 3:48am
