deepundergroundpoetry.com
Lived
Pretense is smothered just being
Indifference stabbed by the heart
An ignorant mind is shot
The old foundation is poisoned
Choking off food for sinister thought
As optimism drowns out sorrow
Pensively taking stock
Of the tormentous years lived
Wisdom gives serenity its due
Fantasy is a fading pastime
As death becomes forthcoming
As life is lived peace by peace
We have lived,
But it's today, or
We can always begin tomorrow
Indifference stabbed by the heart
An ignorant mind is shot
The old foundation is poisoned
Choking off food for sinister thought
As optimism drowns out sorrow
Pensively taking stock
Of the tormentous years lived
Wisdom gives serenity its due
Fantasy is a fading pastime
As death becomes forthcoming
As life is lived peace by peace
We have lived,
But it's today, or
We can always begin tomorrow
Published 10th Jul 2021
Author's Note
By Pent
July 10th, 2021
Been working on this one for a while... it's not done.
July 10th, 2021
Been working on this one for a while... it's not done.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 1
comments 5
reads 591
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
11th Jul 2021 5:47am
I love the meter of stanzas 1 & 2--there's a quickness punctuated by inflection points that gives those 2 stanzas a swinging feel. Very nice!
Is "tormentous" a word?
The rhythm becomes more pedestrian after the 1/2 way mark.
The ending tries to be clever with "peace by peace // we have lived"--not sure if the 1st line of last stanza should refer to the "peace by peace"--I think it doesn't, & that confuses me...not sure how to take the last stanza.
Enjoyed, and again, very powerful rhythms in the opening!
Is "tormentous" a word?
The rhythm becomes more pedestrian after the 1/2 way mark.
The ending tries to be clever with "peace by peace // we have lived"--not sure if the 1st line of last stanza should refer to the "peace by peace"--I think it doesn't, & that confuses me...not sure how to take the last stanza.
Enjoyed, and again, very powerful rhythms in the opening!
11th Jul 2021 1:31pm
I love your constructive feedback, and positivity. Yes, "tormentous" is a word, though I kept wanting to spell it tormentuous.
"...peace by peace" refers to a way of life; living peacefully within ourselves, as neighbors, and as nations.
It wasn't meant to be referred to as the way "We have lived", but I see your point now.
That said, the last stanza is about choices.
Hope this helps, and have yourself a "swinging" day!
"...peace by peace" refers to a way of life; living peacefully within ourselves, as neighbors, and as nations.
It wasn't meant to be referred to as the way "We have lived", but I see your point now.
That said, the last stanza is about choices.
Hope this helps, and have yourself a "swinging" day!
11th Jul 2021 11:37pm
To give of breath is the eternal thought to life and to live is the ultimate sacrifice my poet and this gem of words proves just that.. You've captured the true essence of being in the moment and hoping to see the forwarding progress as we take comfort within the present
12th Jul 2021 2:08am
12th Jul 2021 2:09am
