Perfect

120 pounds,

flat stomach,

B cup,

a bit bigger bum than mine.

Part Hispanic,

with that long, flawless brown hair

and face.

With her dream skinny man.


She's perfect,

and I hate her

because she's

everything I can't be.

The only true way

through plastic surgery.

And I can't.

I just can't.

Too unsafe.


Just wanna be

every thin man's dream.

Instead, I am cursed

by a bloated belly,

smaller breasts,

and stretch marks

(ass decent enough,

somehow).


Been skinny fat all my life,

but after taking the pills for being ill,

only got worse.

Weighed too much

for the small little thing I was.

Took for granted the 120 pound version of me

only to be met with bigger body issues.

Only to be met with more self-hatred.


Why, oh why

can't I just accept

whatever's in the mirror?

Why, oh why

do I feel the need to be her

instead of me?


She's perfect,

and I hate her

because she's

everything I can't be.

The only true way

through plastic surgery.

And I can't.

I just can't.

Too unsafe.


I can only dream

because all she is a dream.

I'm the only thing real,

I just hope that a thin man will accept

all of me,

even the parts of me that I can never be.


I may be able to be small again

(only getting smaller),

but I will probably never have the most decent

sized breasts

or the flattest stomach

or the smoothest skin...

May even look more boyish

than I'm wanting...


But all I can say

is that's me,

take it or leave it.

That perfect girl

always in the back of my mind,

always getting the man she wants

but here I am either way,

flawed and raw.

Uniquely me,

even if that means

that I won't always please the eyes of every man I want

The hardest truth,

but being uniquely me

is all I ever can be.


She's perfect,

and I hate her

because she's everything I can't be.