deepundergroundpoetry.com
The issue of "I" and the self absorbed soul
I used to think I was deep
And misunderstood
When the reality is
I am far too self absorbed
To be capable
Of the profound
It’s all in the “I”
I am, I want, I hate
I need, I think, I feel
“How are you?”
I can’t say for sure
That it wasn’t
An afterthought
I used to feel like
I was different
Never even
Never on the same wave length
I’m better…
I’m worse…
All wrapped into
A paradox
With an inferiority complex
And whispers of
“I’m smarter than you”
In the back of my head
And how does one fit?
How does one speak?
How does one not be…
A complete social retard?
Observing the social norms
And never being able to recreate them
Without looking like a wannabe
I speak wrong
“Shut up with your big words!”
Did you know?
I spent most of my life
Dumbing myself down
‘Cause no one likes
A smart girl
A smart ass
Someone that’ll
Show them up
Intellectually
And it’s not like
I’m some kind of genius
I never even finished
High school
Nor ever gave a fuck
That I had no academic
Prospects
Being smart
Never made me lovable
Artistry made me a freak
Fascination
Death, dying
The Spanish Inquisition
Nineteenth century prostitutes
It’s all life at its lowest
Dark psychology
Let me study a sociopath
Just for the thrill
Philosophy of the disassociative
Where life is like…
A snow globe
Press the walls
And hope they shatter
We’re all made of plastic
Can’t you see?
We’re all so small
Doesn’t help
My complex
That I don’t really matter
‘Cause I am trapped
In my own bubble anyway
And I used to think…
The I, always the I
When the truth is…
It’s a sad reality
When it’s all about me
So “How are you today?”
Now don’t lie
I really want to know...
© Indie Adams 2012
And misunderstood
When the reality is
I am far too self absorbed
To be capable
Of the profound
It’s all in the “I”
I am, I want, I hate
I need, I think, I feel
“How are you?”
I can’t say for sure
That it wasn’t
An afterthought
I used to feel like
I was different
Never even
Never on the same wave length
I’m better…
I’m worse…
All wrapped into
A paradox
With an inferiority complex
And whispers of
“I’m smarter than you”
In the back of my head
And how does one fit?
How does one speak?
How does one not be…
A complete social retard?
Observing the social norms
And never being able to recreate them
Without looking like a wannabe
I speak wrong
“Shut up with your big words!”
Did you know?
I spent most of my life
Dumbing myself down
‘Cause no one likes
A smart girl
A smart ass
Someone that’ll
Show them up
Intellectually
And it’s not like
I’m some kind of genius
I never even finished
High school
Nor ever gave a fuck
That I had no academic
Prospects
Being smart
Never made me lovable
Artistry made me a freak
Fascination
Death, dying
The Spanish Inquisition
Nineteenth century prostitutes
It’s all life at its lowest
Dark psychology
Let me study a sociopath
Just for the thrill
Philosophy of the disassociative
Where life is like…
A snow globe
Press the walls
And hope they shatter
We’re all made of plastic
Can’t you see?
We’re all so small
Doesn’t help
My complex
That I don’t really matter
‘Cause I am trapped
In my own bubble anyway
And I used to think…
The I, always the I
When the truth is…
It’s a sad reality
When it’s all about me
So “How are you today?”
Now don’t lie
I really want to know...
© Indie Adams 2012
Published 23rd Feb 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 4
comments 20
reads 1621
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
23rd Feb 2012 6:39am
The irony here is you make yourself look very smart.
this is a very complex write with plenty of your physique laid bare.
a good write by all accounts.
you are right of course ,nobody likes a smart girl. well at least a smarter girl.. thats why blonds have more fun.
this is a very complex write with plenty of your physique laid bare.
a good write by all accounts.
you are right of course ,nobody likes a smart girl. well at least a smarter girl.. thats why blonds have more fun.
23rd Feb 2012 6:44am
23rd Feb 2012 6:49am
I in no way wrote this to make me look smart (I suppose if I was attempting to be pompous it would come across as such), it was more of a picking myself apart to see what I'd find.
Thanks for stopping by x) Peace... Ind
Thanks for stopping by x) Peace... Ind
'nobody likes a smart girl'-----holyshit watta stupid'human worthless generalization.....
this was an excellent reflection upon the relationship of our collective Vapidness as applies to our individually warped self-absorbtion.........people don't wanna hear how vapid & self-absorbed WE are....WE have perverted vapid selfabsorbtion into a sacred rite and a constitutional right, clinging to all this worthless, selfdestructive, polarized, judgmental, conflictive, ultimately lethal, &horribly toxic Duality-Believed-as-Reality.
eye been writing this poem of y'ours for alotta years now wit a lotta different words....even when people say they 'like' it, the undercurrent mess'age that WEe are not AnyThing like WEe 'think' wee are, nor that Any of This is what WEE THINK it is, is just too ego-threatening.....
alright, enough dear...."I relate" to what you've said here...a very perceptive 'look' at WEe Are that isn't gonna make the Popularity Polls(poles) especially among Positive Thinkers - who seem to be th'most adept self-absorbed deceptors among us--------peace&blessings, babe-
this was an excellent reflection upon the relationship of our collective Vapidness as applies to our individually warped self-absorbtion.........people don't wanna hear how vapid & self-absorbed WE are....WE have perverted vapid selfabsorbtion into a sacred rite and a constitutional right, clinging to all this worthless, selfdestructive, polarized, judgmental, conflictive, ultimately lethal, &horribly toxic Duality-Believed-as-Reality.
eye been writing this poem of y'ours for alotta years now wit a lotta different words....even when people say they 'like' it, the undercurrent mess'age that WEe are not AnyThing like WEe 'think' wee are, nor that Any of This is what WEE THINK it is, is just too ego-threatening.....
alright, enough dear...."I relate" to what you've said here...a very perceptive 'look' at WEe Are that isn't gonna make the Popularity Polls(poles) especially among Positive Thinkers - who seem to be th'most adept self-absorbed deceptors among us--------peace&blessings, babe-
23rd Feb 2012 5:29pm
24th Feb 2012 5:03am
Thee Irony of Thee Ecstasy....or m'be it's
thee
other
way
around......or
both/neither
"the book of write on is right on"...keep a'writin it, indie dear
I think it an open and honest write on a recognisable facet of the human condition and I applaud you for it :)
23rd Feb 2012 9:45pm
24th Feb 2012 11:53pm
some sources quote a basic 5 variants of ASD's ... nearer the count may be in excess of 300?
25th Feb 2012 00:21am
There are a lot of reasons a person can having trouble connecting socially, including ASD, BPD, depression and anxiety disorders. I don't know a lot about ASD, but I am guess like all disorders there are variants and degrees of severity.
25th Feb 2012 2:20pm
Yes indeed, just as earthquakes have a Richter scale all is degree and magnitude
24th Feb 2012 9:24am
24th Feb 2012 11:00am
As artists of any kind we tend to be slightly more self absorbed then the average, non-creative person.
My poem was more about the issues one has with self due to self absorption, such as fitting in with others (I don't mean being a societal clone) and being able to feel connected, not only to themselves but to people (friends, relationships...etc) and world around them, (to notice a flower or at least enough to not run into a tree in a park, because they were too busy wandering the paths of their own mind).
Being self absorbed is not necessarily a bad thing. But like all things there needs to be a balance about how much is about "me" and how much is about other things that are important in our lives that aren't 100% centered around the idea of "me".
My poem was more about the issues one has with self due to self absorption, such as fitting in with others (I don't mean being a societal clone) and being able to feel connected, not only to themselves but to people (friends, relationships...etc) and world around them, (to notice a flower or at least enough to not run into a tree in a park, because they were too busy wandering the paths of their own mind).
Being self absorbed is not necessarily a bad thing. But like all things there needs to be a balance about how much is about "me" and how much is about other things that are important in our lives that aren't 100% centered around the idea of "me".
In cultivating an alternative awareness that is other than our traditionally encultured Ego-based selfBullshit, a 'new world' of creativity awaits that
really
shows our self-absorbed whiney snivelling &/or contrived PositiveThinking EgoCrap for what it is(n't).....
this seems t'be what Indie is reaching for, g'odd bless her
it's called transcendence, which is what all Art is trying to do even when the artist is self-absorbedly clueless re: anything beyond showing-off for ego-strokes (daresay 'wankin?')....yknow'like one'a them paradox things-----
maybe tis impossible not 2be self-absorbed as ego never goes away, but a humbler reperspecting of Self & breaking from thee I-Me-My inherited 'view' of the world can open up a new world that's unimaginable to Me-mind.
NOTE: the above is referenced from the text of
PARADOXYMORONICS 101, The Begin'errs Guide
really
shows our self-absorbed whiney snivelling &/or contrived PositiveThinking EgoCrap for what it is(n't).....
this seems t'be what Indie is reaching for, g'odd bless her
it's called transcendence, which is what all Art is trying to do even when the artist is self-absorbedly clueless re: anything beyond showing-off for ego-strokes (daresay 'wankin?')....yknow'like one'a them paradox things-----
maybe tis impossible not 2be self-absorbed as ego never goes away, but a humbler reperspecting of Self & breaking from thee I-Me-My inherited 'view' of the world can open up a new world that's unimaginable to Me-mind.
NOTE: the above is referenced from the text of
PARADOXYMORONICS 101, The Begin'errs Guide
24th Feb 2012 4:05pm
*I* like it. The thoughts expressed felt familiar. We gravitate to the things we know? 1/2 way through, my mind jumped to "borderline personality disorder" - there's something there.. going thru the social motions without an emotional connection.. posing. Love the twist at the end. Not posing afterall.
Thank you Scattered Thoughts x)
I was wondering if anyone would pick up on the BPD references in there.
Peace... Indie
I was wondering if anyone would pick up on the BPD references in there.
Peace... Indie
25th Feb 2012 00:39am
......i spent 25yrs in The Mental(oxymoron)Health field(or, more accurately, 'business')....don't worry about all them DSM alphabet'zoop acronyms. Dwellin on 'which one Am I'(OR: which-one-is-He/She?) is mo'likely to impede Life progressions....it's kinda like Religions in that wee think wee know unknowable things that basic ego deludedly tells us 'you Have To know This'........okay...better go'fore i really make-fool-of-self........peacesUp&down
12th May 2016 8:36pm
Timeless, a part of the (some) human('s) condition. I saw this in someone's reading list: so glad I came to read. Kudos.
24th May 2016 1:21am
Thanks so much May, for stopping by and leaving your thoughts. Much appreciated :)
Anonymous
29th May 2016 5:28pm
I think that the poem could be improved by being shortened and distilled. You explain your idea too much; let the reader work a little to get to your meaning. Let the reader peel the onion a little to get to the core of it. I don't mean that you should be obscure; I mean that the poem will be more satisfying if there are layers of meaning beyond the obvious, surface ones.
