MASTERMIND

Worshiping the devil was not a mistake I believe I made blindly back then
My eyes were wide open and I made the choice but then again
I was thirteen and full of hate and I was praying but I felt it was all in vain
As the God I was taught to love and praise did not seem to care for my pain
 
I screamed at the heavens but did He respond? NO!
He left me alone in the pit I was drowning and although
I cried and cried and begged and groveled He never said a word so
I turned my back and praised Lucifer as my king but better I did know
 
My sister died and on top of that I had to face my offender
He slithered in between the family he was a fucking good pretender
At thirteen I was quite slender but the asshole saw me as tender
Out of his grip I stayed but I was ready for anything he had to render
 
After the funeral I stood by her grave and I couldn't accept that I had to leave her body in a box deep under the ground
Like a fool hoping for a miracle I waited around
To finally hear the thunder voice of God sound
 
In total silence I walked home with my heart knowing no peace
No voice was heard I was drowning in emotions and felt my faith decrease
Where was this God I always aimed to please
Was I not one of His? Was I not a masterpiece ?
 
In the cold and dark misty hours of the night
I gave myself to the devil without a fight
The moment I called out to him he appeared like a dark knight
I believed he saw my tears and he heard my plight
 
Years went by and I never mentioned the name God
I left home when I was 16 so there was no one who could find my behavior odd
Seeing people I know was met with a simple and quiet nod
My new friend was a very clever constructive fraud
 
Drugs and alcohol was the highlight of my day
I was the illest baddest bitch and the last thing I wanted to do was pray
Friends everywhere and everyday was the same way
Work, drink and party- Passed out smelling like an ashtray
 
At the lowest point I was all alone drugged up with a needle broken in my arm
Festering for days with puss and dirt smelling like bum
No friends to clean help my ass coz when I lost my job I became scum
I didn't care what the fuck was happening as I was numb
 
I turned 19 and my best friend and daddy died
I was still numb but I remember I cried
But if I should say I felt more it would be a lie
Coz I believe Life's a bitch and then you die.
 
A few months later He finally spoke and my life had to change for sure
Everything that came out and entered me was impure
I was happy on the outside but diseased from within needing a cure
I mean I could handle it but accepting help was more mature
 
I became born again and was rid of all the waste
I felt a love more divine a heavenly taste
I took it slow as I was in no haste
As I was new and clean and no longer a disgrace
 
I fell hard again and but pay that no mind
As the force I'm getting up with will be one of a kind
I am no longer by my past defined
Aligned or blind
I am now inclined to be refined
And with Him watching - The mastermind.