maybe that’s why it’s so wrong

it’s not until you’re grown
that you know who Shame is
really
and how it stood beside you all along

how it broke into your house
when you were 12

and watching an old movie with your dad
when Rock Hudson’s name scrolled past

and he said
‘he died from sucking other men’s willies’

Shame sat on your shoulder then
the pot-bellied imp with stubby horns
and laughed
so you laughed as well
not thinking much of it
not knowing Shame was there

later you said what your dad had told you
to another kid and you both agreed
on how disgusting gays are

but Shame came in other
and more subtle ways
like when your brother
who was trying to be supportive
laughed and said
‘so you’ve not done anything with a bloke?’
and suddenly
you’re ashamed of not having sex

there’s no right way
to be gay
you think
so maybe that’s why it’s so wrong