Ladies Lysistrata Auxiliary

Ladies Lysistrata Auxiliary    
   
     “Oh my God, what happened?”         
     “Let me tell you being the Courtesan of the imperial widower isn’t all it is cracked up to be.”      
     “Did he cheat on you?”         
     “Worse girl. His memoirs haven’t been released to the public yet but the previews are revealing.”      
     “Is it juicy?”         
     “I’d say so and close to home.”         
     “So your highness husband has been slipping what happens between the sheets to his chronicler?”         
     “He even had him use onomatopoeia to describe my lovemaking sounds. Here is an example of his phonics applied to my expressions: ‘Hah…. ah… ahh….” + gasping, blushing, eyes shut.’”        
     “Then I guess you’ll have to insist he burn all the published copies or store them in the dungeon.”         
     “Fortunately I have my fingers on the royal purse strings. He can’t balance his checkbook much less the kingdom. He figures the only one he can trust with the budget is the woman he shares his bed with. I could defund his Cricket games or God forbid Rugby the sanctum of he-man sports.”      
     “Well, any self-respecting man would heed your decree. Fortunately, you have his book tied in a neat little knot.”        
     “I may loosen my grip just a tad. There is a little exhibitionist in every Duchess. As my best friend, you get an uncensored copy.”         
     “Reading the unabridged moans of my favorite friend will bring me much joy. If you approve may I recite those excerpts in the privacy of my own bedroom?”         
     “You may repeat them in the arms of your lover. Just tell me the juicy details afterward.”         
     “Such a favor deserves one in kind. Just don’t laugh when I get to the good part.”         
     “We can start our own society.”         
     “What will we call it?”         
     “The Ladies Lysistrata Auxiliary.”         
      “Such a conspiracy is sly as a leprechaun whose pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is hidden by mermaids deep in the ocean where it will fund research into lesbian strategies for female empowerment.”      
      “Will you write a book about that?”      
      “If you are offering to coauthor the answer is yes.”      
     “That was in the back of my mind but now is in the front.”
     “You know, kissy-face with women is a gateway drug.”    
     “If we kissed, I might blush into stripes like a zebra.”    
     “I promise to hold back my more potent feminine powers.” They share lip sugar like actresses in an R-rated movie.    
     The girlfriend says, “Damn, that was lip-smacking good. You taste like breakfast tang. Now I know what the astronaut’s morning meal was like.”    
     “What will you grow up to be?”    
    “If I pumped iron my fist would shatter the Navy Seals glass ceiling. But I want to wear pink camos for certain desert terrains.”    
     “The obstacle course training would make a mess of your manicure.”    
     “Fingernails grow back and the tour of duty ends but no purse-snatcher stands a chance against a Navy Seal.”