Im Scared, Im Angry, but Mostly Im Sick

I fucking hate it  
 
Its not fair..  
 
I was finally starting to succede  
 
Getting all my shit together  
 
I told her I didn't want to go..  
 
I was feeling better after all  
 
Its not like she ever cared before  
 
He said something  
 
He should have kept his filthy mouth shut  
 
But she can't ignore him... but me..  
 
I hope she's fucking satisfied  
 
I already don't have a home  
 
And now I'm fucked  
 
Its over  
 
Kill me  
 
Get it over with  
 
I think I believe in "god" or a "goddess" now  
 
How else could you explain?  
 
I'm being smited alive  
 
Slowly consuming me  
 
There's no salvation for me  
 
No chance to change my deeds  
 
Shit, I was ready to  
 
Was gonna get my G.E.D.  
 
Had a real job chance  
 
I was going paint  
 
I was going to go to art school  
 
Join a band as a female guitarist  
 
Fall in love... real love not the bullshit of before  
 
Honestly though  
 
Fuck it  
 
I give up  
 
I GIVE THE FUCK UP  
 
I'm done trying  
 
I am her  
 
The spitting fucking image down to the addiction  
 
Why fight it?  
 
Embrace the chaos as they say  
 
I might as well become her now..  
 
Or finish the transformation  
 
I hate myself  
 
I was ready to love  
 
But not fucking now  
 
But more than myself  
 
I hate the doctor for telling me  
 
I hate her for...  
 
But I don't hate him  
 
Couldnt  
 
Wouldnt  
 
Its not his fault  
 
Its no ones fault  
 
But it should be  
 
I'm  18 years  
 
Just as real life begins  
 
Its dies in fucking ash  
 
And now I'm pissed at everything  
 
Because now I have cancer