Bad Luck

   You chose to act against common sense, defying what you knew was best
Placing lust before a proper dose of skeptical analysis
Holding on to unreliable self-evaluations,  
 blinded in this age of anguish
You weighed your value falsely and quit relying on my guidance
I count on you to discover your truth, leaving all I love to chance
Two kindred souls, built imperfect by design
Our viewpoints are so aligned or at least I thought so
We’re doomed to inevitably destroy ourselves chasing inadequate desires  
 
   I only say all this to be honest because our similarity supersedes the rest
Trust your own prescience instead of searching through another’s lens
You’re the closest thing to a counterpart I’d ever met
Headstrong and pensive, unique and an intellect
Twin spirits; visionaries gazing at the world from a greater scope
My ego might be swollen but I find your presence is most impressive
Though as it stands, I must admit I expected more from this
 
   It seemed like overnight I lost the brightest star in my sky
Half a year went by too soon, radio silence on your end and confusion on mine
Sorry to draw boundaries but perhaps it’s past due
Vowing to repossess inner territory in order to scrape together peace of mind
I need this sense of undiluted recovery
Through shallow breaths, I reclaim a bit of space in my heart
   stolen ever since the first instance my eyes caught a glimpse of your sadness
It carved a mark and forced me to nurse some scars, a few of yours and then my own
 
   Back to the beginning I suppose, stuck recalling memories of your solo public performance
Blaring music from your stereo, provoking parking lot sing-alongs
A genre labeled beautiful, at least in certain circles
Misery reserved for the darkest rooms; perspire while you're screaming words
Jealous of how you’re always nailing bridges as opposed to burning them
Then follow-up on pitch control and show up for the chorus
You showed your truest colors below a dim lamppost amid a midnight atmosphere
Just chilling in a Fusion while everything goes to hell
The well-intended probably get sent there anyway, but despite the riddled road we’ve paved
   I'd be down for a joyride, so long as you're in the driver's side
 
   Dwelling on what I lost only tends to worsen my habit of masochism
In the present I’m unable to accept the state of our friendship
It feels like a fever dream, or an illusion my mind hyped beyond belief
It seems this whole ordeal brought my healing to a full stop
Shut down and spurned, now you’re conspiring to pretend you never met me
Distressing changes swept in undetectable, like a storm void of fair warning
I’m kept shaking from the unexpected and socially amputated
 
   Memories are all I own
The turmoil and indecisiveness I let slip while sobbing in your back seat haunt me
It sounds like ancient history now, compared to the lonely winter days spent
   trying to overcome my uncertainty proceeding your egress
 I wonder if I’d be better off staying silent about my feelings and how much I miss your face
My luck runs in short supply, but my comfort lies in the irony of knowing
   you chose to leave before I confessed
That crooked horseshoe tattoo finally started to grow on me