And the dream is gone

I just cant get it right
What do you want from me
I cant stop fucking up
I went to see my kids and it broke me
I slept on the porch next to the four bedroom home
I used to own i am so late
Behind is all i get
My heart is broke
Im on my knees
Im dieing please.
I cant ever. Tell if your with me
Or if youve turned a deaf ear to me
Im so tired i want instant recognition
I know thats selfish but fuck
I shouldnt cuss i know
Ive cried so many tears  that  oceans fall from me
Ive died a thousand deaths
Im just out of breath  
Time just stops  when i get around my kids
Gone is the dull ache the void   Is filled
I dont. Have a need for anything but them
Forgotten was my homlessness
And my heart broke  when my pockets  are empty
It all has to end but i would pay anything
Even for one day to pretend
Id  deal with anything
Sleep in the cold
Just for my grandson s hand to hold
I want you to know im trying
Can you hear my heart pleading
Do you see my wrists bleeding
Im sick of crying
Im always on my face
Humbled to the point of disgrace
Ive been wrong
But god im not this strong
Hey are you there do you feel me
Cause im not dreaming
This is my life this is my pain
My brain is aching
No guises am i faking
Why must i have this continuim
Of pain
Please god just take me
Im to impatient i dont want to be this way
Am i being heard iam  doing All i say
Please can you hold me up today
Im here im waiting please forgive my
Self degrading
Amen