What I Fear

What I fear most
there is no question about it
although my fears are plenty
there is one that grips me heavy.

I have a fear of spiders
But I'd kill them in a heartbeat.

I fear the darkness,
not the one where you turn off the lights
and see the shadow of objects that surround you,
The darkness I fear consumes man,
when there's no telling what they would do.

I fear growing old.
silly isn't it,
I know I'll age gracefully but
will the people in my life be graceful toward me.

I fear the ocean.
Not afraid to swim and dive
but afraid of the possibility of all the things that could happen
majority of which is unknown.
Not knowing what lurks beneath my feet,
I'll never swim too far from land.

I have a fear of not being wanted,
I mean come on,
I know I'm undoubtedly desirable
but my fear is beyond that.
Its not knowing one's intention
or the reasons behind their wanting,
leave me be, I beg of thee.

My list of fears
can go on forever
but there is one that grips me steady
and as I tell you what it may be,
My heart weighs heavy.

My greatest fear is dying.
Not passing away to the after-life
but its leaving my boys behind.

I fear not having them
and them not having me.
I fear them being lost in a world
filled with spiders, darkness
and bottomless oceans.

A fear of them holding resentment in their beautiful hearts
maybe feeling unwanted
knowing their mother left them
with graceless people
consumed with the wrong intentions.

Of all the things that I fear,
this one
grips me immensely.