deepundergroundpoetry.com
Beginning Hesitation
It's hard to breathe knowing she dangles my heart near her feet close to the ground she can crush it without a sound or realize that we can have something profound mindless notions are being conceived
Perceived by a hopeless romantic not a fanatic of that primary hesitation constant contemplations to this shared situation
Don't know if the feelings will be accepted be rejected once again this feelin has injected itself rushing through my veins she continually passes through my brain
The doubt is driving me insane waiting for my conscious to regain out of frame whenever I hear her name will she acknowledge my heart to be real give me the chance to show her what I feel or will time reveal a different situation
The realization that her heart might have made it to its destination in anothers man's hands this feelin is hard to understand lost without a plan
The butterflys that arise keep me in a daze illogical reasoning just fending I'm tired of meaningless interactions I hope you are a lasting satisfaction
Perceived by a hopeless romantic not a fanatic of that primary hesitation constant contemplations to this shared situation
Don't know if the feelings will be accepted be rejected once again this feelin has injected itself rushing through my veins she continually passes through my brain
The doubt is driving me insane waiting for my conscious to regain out of frame whenever I hear her name will she acknowledge my heart to be real give me the chance to show her what I feel or will time reveal a different situation
The realization that her heart might have made it to its destination in anothers man's hands this feelin is hard to understand lost without a plan
The butterflys that arise keep me in a daze illogical reasoning just fending I'm tired of meaningless interactions I hope you are a lasting satisfaction
Published 8th Feb 2012
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likes 6
reading list entries 2
comments 4
reads 1089
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
14th Feb 2012 1:08am
Jimi,
This poem is pretty good.
I think it would be a whole lot better if you stuck in some periods to show people where to stop and start.
the rhyme you have going on is good, the words you are using are mostly good, it's the flow you are losing out on .. or rather the reader is losing out on.
if you just took a few mins out to fix it up a bit you will have a great poem on your hands.
good stuff man.
This poem is pretty good.
I think it would be a whole lot better if you stuck in some periods to show people where to stop and start.
the rhyme you have going on is good, the words you are using are mostly good, it's the flow you are losing out on .. or rather the reader is losing out on.
if you just took a few mins out to fix it up a bit you will have a great poem on your hands.
good stuff man.
14th Feb 2012 8:10pm
i like that he didnt add periods because its up to the reader to make it flow in there minds and put it together themselves
You are pretty good, I like the way I can real feel each line you cite, I want to hear more from you. Good Job Jimi!
14th Feb 2012 3:42am
