Xmaz Note To An Ever-Lost Child

 

I didn't have much Xmaz in me for longtime even
before you died. (Elizabeth took care of that back'round Xmaz'02).

My dear sweet little girl. Dead 29 months now.

Still so far beyond any reasonable comprehension, Whatever that is.

I can barely look at any photos of you. I break down.
Why look at fckn photos. I see you in my blessed, broke'down, heartbroken mind,
every day. Sometimes all day long.

You're no longer being in this world of ours is bloody torture.

In a way, I'm glad you don't have to be here for this 2020 sadist circus, which
   could possibly lead to the collapse of this wonderful country. All the lies, nastiness,
and unprecedented stupidity, fake trumpy demo'crazy, while 3000+ people die each day from this "pandemic".

I miss you so goddamn much.  I miss your computer expertise. I so much miss the
scores of dinners we had together at Zen Zero. When you'd be there waiting for me after my nightly "street concerts", it was a most such a happy "bright moment" to spend that time with you. But, never again. All things must pass, (but it's still painful as rot when someone so dear as you passes).

You  know me. You know I cannot participate in the fantasy of you being "in a better
place"' and floating around heaven, keeping an eye on your Mom and I.  (She buys into that mindset though, and if it helps her, which it seems to do, godbless her. I just can't go there. To me, it's just a popular means to comfort by denial).

   I don't want to remember any Xmases when you were here. Too bloody painful! Especially all the fun you and Eliz had going nuts with Xmas decorating. Now, you're both so gone from my so-called life.

          It's a lonely'ass world knowing you aren't here anymore, and never will be again..

I Love You..........your weeping Daddy.


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