If Ever I Should Go...

If ever I was to go...
If I was to lay down and not wake again,
Do not cry for me.
I’ve cried enough for you.
I was miserable here.
I could not escape,
I just wanted it to be quiet.
I do not want you to cry for me,
I love you all.
I was just unwell.
I couldn’t pretend anymore.
I was overwhelmed with my mental health.
I felt like there was no escape or cure.
No cure for despair and low worth.
No cure for not feeling like enough.
No cure for not being able to feel love.
I can’t stand this feeling.
I just want it to be quiet.
If I was to go, know that I didn’t want to hurt any of you.
I don’t want you to hurt but it hurts.
I hurt inside.
So much hurt inside me.
I just want quiet.
I ponder death,
Sometimes I invite it because there must be peace in the darkness of it.
I would no longer push people away.
I would no longer feel resentful.
I won’t see sad eyes in the mirror.
And after long I can be forgotten,
Maybe my soul could visit you in the breeze while life moves on.
Maybe I can be there behind the veil to watch you live full and happy lives.
Do not mourn if I should go, because that was not in the cards for me.
I just want quiet, not to hurt you.
So please don’t cry for me
Should I no longer be here,
Do not mourn a soul like mine.
I just wanted it to be quiet.