Tit for Tat/Resentful

Tit for Tat/Resentful

It’s hard to tell and hard to say,
I wonder which mood I’ll get today?
Will he love me, spite me? Bury his claws under my skin?
Will we get through this phase?
This confusion?
Maybe he has to punish me first,
Maybe he’s trying to drive home his point,
Resentment has such an insatiable thirst,
And I hear before things gets better, they sometimes get worse.
Maybe I can take the small jabs on the chin,
If that means it’ll work out later on....
Maybe once he’s past his frustrations we can keep moving along.
Passive aggression is my partner now,
Since the man himself can’t just speak his mind,
Or when he does, it’s from a hateful place,
But he’ll still assure me that things are fine.
Even though I sense he loves me less,
And the season of our love may have already come and gone,
Even though sex is the only good thing left,
For some reason we’re still holding on.
Even though my feelings unsettle him,
And the arguments still ring loud in my head,
And though we both want to be all in,
I can’t forgive or forget some of the things that were said.
I can’t feel safe ever since,
Not when we’re both hyper vigilant,
Me just waiting for him to let me down again,
And him just waiting to make a polite exit.
One that will surely be because “I made him leave”.
Because he’s never ever wrong & surely I’m just crazy.
Gaslighting me on a daily,
Avoiding all responsibility,
It makes him feel better I guess, to blame it all on me...