Contemplate

One could search for happiness all their life but be looking for it so hard that they are blind to the possibility of it being in plain sight.

Life is but a journey, full of choices, decisions and different paths to take, all in search of success and happiness as we make mistakes after mistakes. Experience moments that take our breath away and even more times that makes our heart ache. As i continue to contemplate, can my own fate be all I wish to create, to take control with a beautiful soul where one day I will be completely whole. I feel as if I've already lived and life was truly great then all of a sudden was completely stripped away forcing me to self medicate. It happened so fast it happened so sudden life soon became all that it wasnt. I was completely numb for such a long time just to pretend like I was doing just fine but I really wanted a life to truly call mine. So although its been quite a maze I've sure come a hell of a long ways and I've accepted my life for all that it is and im ready for life im ready to live it. So here I am as I contemplate, somewhere out there is my true mate, like no other to relate one forever to live to build a life we create. I just feel like there has to be more to life than just this and I know my passed life ill never get back and It will forever be missed. Such a big part of me just wants to take off and leave discover the world and see all that i can see. But hear me as I vent I've been quite content and not just recent. Content with life for quite a while yet still thrive to truly smile. Somewhere along the way I've lost all my confidence, afraid of change being disastrous consequences. For me change is very difficult change is very hard and im not so sure how to let down my guard. What if this is it and this is all life is just at a stand still with nothing more to give. Id be leaving it forever in  dier search of something better then resulting in a life with much much more displeasure. I continuously pounder day in and day out what is really out there whats is life really about. What is my purpose what is my fate as I continue to sit here an contemplate. The longer I wait the more I procrastinate soon life will be gone and Ill be too late. I'm getting older, older every day and at 31 I still haven't found my way, and yet I still sit here and I contemplate...

       ~JD