Unuttered Permutations

    
    
I had to learn to write, because I was                  
writing to you                
                 
Because it was written to you                
                 
I finally started to figure out how                  
to write                
                 
It kind of worked that way                
Failed that way                
                 
That might have been the first time anyone  
saw me                
                 
It was the very first time I saw me                
                 
Despite the fact I didn't always know                  
who I am, it just seemed smart to get                  
there                
                 
I wanted to read all of what I wrote                  
because it was written to you                  
and maybe it almost worked out that                  
way but then                
                 
Crosshair scissors, I extended my neck                  
to me                
                 
I am writing this now to,                
                 
If you want to know                
                 
I was writing me to you                
                 
And all of that in the fall and winter                  
and the rest of the following year                
                 
I knew        
         
It was too much                
                 
This isn't because I don't always                  
know who I am. I just figured it would                  
be smart to get here (which is a                
really strange place), and though I                
was always here, I just...wasn't.                
                  
So I was writing me all out anew for you.                
                 
I am writing this to Hope, and I hope                  
                 
You,    
                 
I started writing me back together In                  
fall, 2018 and everything that came out                  
I was writing to you; I was so desperate                  
to conjure an explanation for Me (to                  
know and) to hand to You.                  
                 
In my mind I was writing Me, because I                  
wasn't yet                
                 
And all through the fall, into the winter,                  
and through the rest of the next year                
it was to You that I was writing Me                
                 
But I knew                
                 
It was too much                
                 
I knew