deepundergroundpoetry.com
I should be asleep
Im sitting here staring at this blank paper
Mind running in all sorts of directions
Its 12:24am and I should be asleep
but the memories of lastnight wont seem to go away
So I put my pencil to this paper and begin to tell a story...
We met online with what I thought was the same intentions
to love and to be loved
we both made it clear
I layed down next to you for the first time
with your constant glances
and gorgeous ass smile
We inched closer and closer
untill we were finally interwined
I learned your full name and what you wanted in life
I was shy but you made it easy to let loose
You made me feel free
with no care in the world
Your arms wrapped around me
and your lips brushed mine
I have never felt so comfortable with anyone before
You left your marks on my neck
and i felt a instant tingle
Damn!
I didnt want this to happen
You assured me it was okay
so i gave in to you
as we moved to the shower
My body undressed infront of you
every curve
every flaw
you told me was perfect
Our bodies touching
as you gently pushed in
and moans and sighs escaped in the room
Shhh..dont wake the roomate
we continued to grind
and explore each others body untill we both reached our climax
What I didnt realize...
Id soon be just another girl who gave you a quick nut
Im sitting here staring at this now filled paper
with tears in my eyes as I glance at the time
Its 3:48am I should be asleep
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likes 17
reading list entries 3
comments 24
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. I should be asleep
21st Oct 2020 9:06pm
It certainly is rough to be carried away but the anticipation that something can be meaningful not really knowing the true (cruel) intention until later. I like that you penned this thoroughly, a bit heart tugging and reflective so as to have a lesson learned.
Thank you for sharing.
Welcome to DUP.
Thank you for sharing.
Welcome to DUP.
1
Re. I should be asleep
21st Oct 2020 9:08pm
A familiar feeling... Being used and lied to for one night of pleasure. Makes you wonder why am I only a number? Nicely penned!
2
Re: Re. I should be asleep
21st Oct 2020 9:12pm
Anonymous
- Edited 1st Jan 2022 9:45pm
21st Oct 2020 9:10pm
<< post removed >>
Re. I should be asleep
21st Oct 2020 9:39pm
the steaminess of the words
and then the painful reality at the climax
very real situation
WELCOME TO DUP
and then the painful reality at the climax
very real situation
WELCOME TO DUP
1
Re: Re. I should be asleep
21st Oct 2020 11:00pm
Re: Re. I should be asleep
21st Oct 2020 11:20pm
Scared? It’s all good this is a place where you can explore your bravery and inner emotions and you won’t be judged ❤️
1
Re: Re. I should be asleep
21st Oct 2020 11:20pm
Scared? It’s all good this is a place where you can explore your bravery and inner emotions and you won’t be judged ❤️
1
Re. I should be asleep
22nd Oct 2020 00:01am
I feel your pain.such a beautiful heartfelt piece
I hope you are ok now and all in your life is sunshine.
Welcome to yhe DUP. Great start look forward to reading more
Love and light
Ron xx
I hope you are ok now and all in your life is sunshine.
Welcome to yhe DUP. Great start look forward to reading more
Love and light
Ron xx
1
Re: Re. I should be asleep
22nd Oct 2020 00:05am
Re. I should be asleep
22nd Oct 2020 2:08am
Re. I should be asleep
22nd Oct 2020 6:28pm
I am moved. I can't tell you how many times I should have been asleep when a memory or an action that has transpired kept me awake just to create its tale. It's sad that we will never know the true intentions of a person until their consequence comes crashing into our reality at head-on speed. I also love the fact that you trusted yourself enough to carry on the winding path of not knowing the future concepts of your passionate fling. I also love how you didn't weep until the spirit of the poem passed away onto your paper. Awesome write. Do keep on writing and above all welcome to the deep. Love Joe D
1
Re: Re. I should be asleep
22nd Oct 2020 11:51pm
Re: Re. I should be asleep
23rd Oct 2020 00:51am
I hope you find your way to my door stop on the other side of the deep.
1
Re. I should be asleep
23rd Oct 2020 00:39am
Anonymous
- Edited 24th Dec 2020 7:45am
24th Oct 2020 3:15am
<< post removed >>
Re. I should be asleep
Brava CL❣ I appreciate very much the vulnerability demonstrated in this piece which I think illustrates well the essence of poetry. You paint a vivid painting of the euphoria, romance, pleasure and ultimately anguish of the some times unfortunate cycle of an on-line hook up. This passage must have been repeated millions of times in millions of ways by millions of forlorn lovers,
"We met online with what I thought was the same intentions
to love and to be loved
we both made it clear"
You're real and I like that very much in a poet. I can tell that genuine tears were shed writing this piece 😘
"We met online with what I thought was the same intentions
to love and to be loved
we both made it clear"
You're real and I like that very much in a poet. I can tell that genuine tears were shed writing this piece 😘
1
Re: Re. I should be asleep
11th Nov 2020 10:30pm
Re: Re. I should be asleep
11th Nov 2020 10:42pm
Re. I should be asleep
13th Jul 2021 9:48pm
The narrative builds up warmly then comes to the hard hitting last two verses. So often there is no happy ending with someone who moves on presumably to others after professing sincere love and joining with you in physically expressing it to each other. Could sense the pain and tears.
Belatedly (having only discovered this poem half a year on) welcome to DUP. It is a good safe place to let things out.
Belatedly (having only discovered this poem half a year on) welcome to DUP. It is a good safe place to let things out.
1
Re. I should be asleep
4th Aug 2021 11:17am
It's not good. Maybe you rushed things, who knows? Mind you, he should shoulder some of the guilt as well.
1
Re. I should be asleep
16th Aug 2021 11:10am
Im sitting here staring at this now filled paper
with tears in my eyes as I glance at the time
Its 3:48am I should be asleep
~~~~~~~~
dear C_L
perhaps a slight change for the last stanza
silent lotus
~~
Im sitting here staring at this laid paper
the tears of my story in my eyes
3:48am now
~
with tears in my eyes as I glance at the time
Its 3:48am I should be asleep
~~~~~~~~
dear C_L
perhaps a slight change for the last stanza
silent lotus
~~
Im sitting here staring at this laid paper
the tears of my story in my eyes
3:48am now
~
1
Anonymous
- Edited 16th Oct 2021 11:45pm
8th Oct 2021 8:31pm
<< post removed >>